Breaking News ... Breaking News: Out Going Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi held a Joint Christmas Eve press conference to announce that they will be introducing legislation to address the Unfair Labor practices of Santa at his manufacturing facility at the North Pole. Reid proclaimed that the Elves are forced to work in a cold and isolated environment, and that Santa has continued to resist their efforts to Unionize. Pelosi accused Mr. Clause of hogging all the Credit when it was the Elves who did all the work, she went on to accuse Mr. Clause of not sharing the Milk and Cookies left by children around the world. They both called on Santa to move his toy factory to a more hospitable environment and to give the Elves their Fair Share of the Milk and Cookies. In related news, NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio and his wife called on Santa to stop abusing the Reindeer, by having them pull a heavy toy laden sleigh around the world through all the air traffic, just to appease Christian Children. de Blasio pointed out an incident from several years ago, in which Rudolph had his lighted nose damaged after brushing a 747 on approach to JFK. There is no reason Santa can not make his deliveries using model Antique Cars or Green Cabs de Blasio stated. Joining the de Blasios in the Podium, the Rev. Al Sharpton accused Santa of Racially Motivated employment practices. Why is it that this Fat Old White Guy only employs white Elves. He cited a Dept. Of Labor report that stated only 3% if the Elves are of color, and called for US Attorney General Eric Holder to launch an investigation of possible Elves Rights Violations. Sharpton, chanting No Justice, No Candy Canes announced that he would be organizing rallys for tonight to block Chimneys around the City. At Camp David Golf Course President Obama stated that he would not be opposed to issuing an Executive Order addressing these issues of Elf and Reindeer Abuse, if the new Republican Majority didnt act quickly. When asked about the situation, NYS Governor, Andrew Cuomo said that he is considering both sides if the issue and would be announcing where he stands, after his next election.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 16:43:17 +0000
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