Breaking news: Fox News anchor Sean Hannity has retracted his previous statement of being okay and never seeing a shrink in spite of getting beaten with a strap by his father growing up. The conservative media personality made the statement in defense of professional football player Adrian Peterson who is facing felony charges for whipping his 4-year-old son bloody with a tree switch. Its true that I dont see a psychiatrist but I do visit, ahem, therapists to recreate the experience. Because having my backside whipped builds character! Theyre very nice ladies who do this sort of thing for a living and as a service to the community. You all know how cheeky I can be at the best of times so imagine how much worse Id get without suffering the consequences to my pert little tush on a regular basis! Mr. Hannity proceeded to lament how political correctness and liberal permissiveness are undermining traditional American values by preventing parents from disciplining unruly children. He also expressed fear that government intrusion would eventually prevent Americans from indoctrinating their younguns with homophobia and other forms of righteous hatred. As evidence of the worrisome trend he cited subversive liberal Vermont heathens Ben & Jerrys popular new low-fat yogurt Sodom and Gomorrah Fudge Packing Brownie variety. This is the kind of anarchy we need to protect our little ones against. Its a huge problem yet the remedies are right there for the taking. Some of my therapists utilize handcuffs and nipple clamps to get their points across and I really do think America needs more of such old-fashioned, common sense methods to maintain order and decorum within the family. Adrian Peterson wouldnt suffer this level of hysterical persecution if hed simply handcuffed the little rascal to his crib instead!
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 22:01:24 +0000
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