But you have to be consistent about the rules, they’d say. What the parent says, goes! Except sometimes, after I say NO WAY and ABSOLUTELY NOT, my kids ask me why. “Why can’t we go to the park without a grown-up, Mom? We’re ready. We’re old enough. The park is close. We’ll stay together.” And they’re right. And I’m wrong. And the rules need to be changed. And I need to be both brave and humble. And because my kids are human beings with thoughts and feelings and desires that deserve my respect, they need answers to their Whys. I want the rules to make sense, rather than be about exerting my power over them. I want the rules to have reasons, rather than be arbitrary or because I’m being consistent, Kids. ...as kids age, even a little, they start needing more than consistent rules. They need discussion. They need explanations. They need collaboration and ownership and the practice of leadership. They need give and take and a sense of camaraderie and we’re-in-this-together. I LOVE this. In some ways I am great at this, and Samson getting older and more capable of having discussions and making his own decisions is certainly helpful. In other ways, though, I am still very much a novice at letting go of the trivialities and I often times still hold on way too tight to my need for consistency. Parenting is a learning game, and I am slowly learning that sometimes fudging on the little things makes room for the big important things to blossom--yes, youre up past your bed time, my dear, but 5 extra minutes with your family is never a bad thing, and hopefully you are learning that we always have time for the people we love, and that life is better when were guided by our hearts, not our clocks.
Posted on: Wed, 25 Jun 2014 04:31:51 +0000
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