CAPP OCONNELL UPDATE ! So. This is it. The Honeymoon starts in 2 more days. I spent a good part of the day cleaning and polishing ya know, getting ready for the big day. I decided I’d move the new bride over closer to the shop to make things easier. Now I know it’s only fifty feet but I wanted see her in all her glory so I as I hitched her up I plugged in the pig tail. I just love the way her pretty red and amber eyes glow. I parked her in front of the shop, got out the shop vac and some rags and went to work. Boy did it feel good lovingly stroking all the new surfaces, sweeping the new floor and making the honeymoon bed. It was then I noticed a smell, or lack of one I should say. Air fresheners! That’s what I need! Something fresh and pretty like my new Bride. “To the Dollar Store!" I exclaimed. I climbed out and unhitched her. I don’t want anyone seein’ her till she’s all purdy’d up. I jumped into the truck and lit out for the dollar store. As I pulled in and parked a friend, newly arrived from ‘back east’ walked over and said “Hey Capp what’s that hangin’ offa your bumper there?” I looked over and to my absolute horror was a nest of red, white, blue, green and brown wires dragging behind my truck! Still, appearing calm I replied. “Oh that? That’s an old Indian trick. You’d know that if’in you’d lived out west long as I have” I replied calmly over my shoulder as I sashayed into the store. Once out of his site I madly dashed around the store grabbin’ a fist full of of different colored little pine trees and ran back out to my truck. Almost in tears I screamed into the driveway. “Oh no!" There she sat with 8 feet of garden hose and wires strung across the driveway! What? Garden hose makes excellent conduit. I just stood there in shock. Now you may remember me recently passing a few snide remarks about Electricians? Yea. Nuff said. Well no way was I gonna call my electrician buddy for help, he has a Face Book account and wasn’t too impressed by those remarks. I can do this. Red wire, red wire right? Wrong. I mean what are all these wires for anyway? What is there, 6 lights? Why on Earth do you need 14 wires? Still, I can do this; I’ll just use the carpenter’s method of wiring known as the process of illumination. Simply grab one wire and start touching the other ones to it till a light comes on, then move on. How hard can it be? I went into the shop and got a role of black tape and a folding chair and went to work. Two hours later I was out of tape, the battery was nearly dead in the truck and I had no lights! Not one! I mean by sheer luck I should at least have a clearance light! What do I need those stupid things for anyway? Its 7 feet wide. I’ve seen bigger people in Wal-Mart than this trailer! About then Bill my nosey, know it all neighbor pulled in to see how the project was goin’. “Whatcha doin Capp” he asked. As calmly as possible I says “Oh, just wirin’ up this pig tail.” Looking duly impressed Bill says, “Wow, you know how to do that?” I shot him my best ‘Duh’ look and replied, “Yep. Taint complicated, red wire to the red wire. Say bill jump in my truck and turn the left turn signal on will ya?” I quickly taped two blue wires together and Bill asked “Ready? “ “Go ahead” I confidently replied. Just then my horn started blowing to the same steady rhythm as my truck tail light blinking. “Honk...Honk...Honk...” Bill called back ... “Say, how you turn this car alarm off?" (I don’t have one) So, here I sit. Pitch dark. No lights. The truck battery is now dead and I got so much electrical tape wrapped around me I look like a beat up Mummy. There’s only one thing to do at this point. I guess I’ll have to do what any grown responsible man would do. I’m gonna march right in the house and call the Sheriff’s office and tell them someone just tried to steal my trailer but the darn fools didn’t hitch it up right and all they managed to get was my pigtail.
Posted on: Thu, 29 Aug 2013 11:22:09 +0000
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