CARING...................1. The Lord can help us overcome marital challenges. Heavenly Father wants marriages to succeed. Sometimes when couples have stress in their relationship, they begin to slack off on such things as scripture study and praying together. They may become so self-centered and focused on their own pains and troubles that they are reluctant to reach out for help, even from Heavenly Father. Yet this is the time when His help is needed most. I have learned that when couples kneel together and vocally ask Heavenly Father for help with their problems, their hearts soften. If they truly listen, answers will come. Divine assistance is available, and couples who genuinely seek it receive extra help. 2. We must work on ourselves first. As I visited with Frank and Susan (not their real names), each seemed anxious to show me that the reason they needed help in their marriage was the unwillingness of the other to make some important changes. After reviewing some of the strengths and roadblocks in their marriage, I told them we would learn together some techniques to help them with challenges like problem solving. “But I’ll have to be honest with you—the bottom line is what we might call ‘heart.’ Unless your heart is in the right place, unless your attitude is humble and teachable and you have a willingness to work on what you need to work on personally, we won’t see much real progress.” Their first homework assignment was to list three things each would be personally willing to work on for the sake of the marriage. They each listed at least one way to reach out to the other: “Help get the children ready for church,” or “Give him a hug when he comes home from work.” As we discussed their plans for personal change, realistic hope for improvement in the marriage began to grow. Frank and Susan were learning that each partner must be willing to work on personal areas of needed improvement without waiting for the other to go first. 3. Mutual forgiveness is essential to happiness in marriage. We all make mistakes and need forgiveness, but pride often gets in the way; we don’t like to admit we’re wrong. We need to swallow that pride and say, “I’m sorry,” then try to do better. When a spouse apologizes and tries to do better, we need to accept the apology and forget about the past. If a husband or wife still isn’t perfect and stumbles while trying to break old habits or embrace change, we can try not to judge or criticize. Forgiveness is in part a conscious decision we make, but it also can include a process of spiritual healing. One couple came for counseling because a husband had been unfaithful to his wife. The wife’s hurt was deep, and though he seemed genuinely repentant and contrite, she resisted the need to forgive him, venting her feelings of anger during several sessions (see D&C 42:25; D&C 64:9–10). I encouraged them to pray about this problem and asked her to pray for help in understanding and forgiving. One day when they came in, the atmosphere of tension had changed. I asked what had happened, and she said, “The bitterness is gone. I’m not sure how, but spiritually something has happened. I’ve been able to forgive him, and I know it’s because the Lord has helped me.” Her ability to forgive changed the relationship. While additional work with them was needed, the spiritual healing which had occurred provided a foundation to build on.
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 06:39:16 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015