CC: Superintendent King Dear Mr. Fifer, I did not want to write this letter. My plan was to just keep plugging on. However, fellow moms have come together to ask me to make these issues known to you and the district on behalf of my son and other parents who will come after me and find the situation unchanged if I fail to act. This letter is regarding the practices used by Vice Principal Crisco in handling of a threat to my child’s safety made by another student this week. At the outset I want to make it clear that I am not interested in having anyone suffer professionally as the result of this letter. My goal here is to document what my child and I have I have experienced and perhaps spark a discussion and review of practices that may or may not turn out to be commonly used to work with parents, bullies and children with special needs in these situations at Larchmont and perhaps other schools in the district. To review: Monday evening - We received a message from the classroom teacher Monday evening informing us there had been an incident in the lunch room involving our son Quin, 10. The message advised that I call Ms. Crisco. Tuesday before start of school – I called Ms. Crisco first thing in the morning. She told me the same story told to my husband and me by Quin - that a boy had threatened to punch Quin in the face as soon as they got to recess and then shoved Quin into a wall. The lunch lady stopped the other boy. The fact that he was physically attacked during the course of this threat told me that it was not idle “boy talk” or posturing. I believe your lunch lady should get a medal because she has reliably protected my son over the years. You, Ms. Crisco and I have discussed the dysfunction of the lunchroom and it seems that things may not have improved as you had hoped they would. In our phone conversation Ms. Crisco explained that her method of handling this situation was to take the boy to Quin’s classroom and demand he apologize to Quin, or she (Ms. Crisco) would call the boys’ mother. The boy refused. At that time, during that initial Tuesday morning call, I told Ms. Crisco that I felt this type of action would only make this situation more dangerous for my son. In fact my son told me that embarrassing the bully, stripping him of dignity, only makes matters worse for the victim in the long run. Therefore, as counter-measure, I asked Ms. Crisco to speak with the boy’s mother and invite him and her to come to chess either at the school or Lamberts Point Community Center in order to try and build a more positive relationship between the two boys. Ms. Crisco said that she would extend that invitation. I don’t know if she did, but take it on faith that she remembered to do so. The Vice Principal then assured me everything was now fine because she had already called the boy’s mother. However, upon further questioning I learned that she had not spoken with the mother, but left a phone message and gotten no reply at that time. When I told her we were worried, she said she would be happy to speak with Quin and reassure him. Also, I asked Ms. Crisco if she could please coordinate her efforts with school Counselor Ms. DeWees. * I asked Ms. Crisco to inform Ms. DeWees that Quin - who has Autism Spectrum Aspergers Syndrome - was now under under extreme stress due to the fact that the very same day the boy shoved and threatened him he arrived home to learn that his surrogate grandfather (who lives a few houses from us) is dying of lung cancer and will not likely make it through the month. I told Ms. Crisco Quin was devastated and I would like to get some advice from Ms. DeWees. Ms. Crisco offered to have Quin called down for a counseling session and I declined telling her that I didn’t want to keep singling him out and pulling him away from classes. However, I did ask that she inform Ms. Dewees and please have her call me. That never happened. In fact I later learned that the school counselor had never been told of the bullying or the added stressor of a mentor with terminal cancer. After school Tuesday I was at the school to volunteer to run a chess club - When I saw Ms. Crisco at the end of that day (Tuesday) she told me she had not seen Quin because she’d gotten busy. When I asked if there had been any trouble her response was to say, “Well I haven’t heard from the nurse so I’m sure he’s just fine.” In retrospect it’s easier to see the humor. In the moment, from the perspective of a worried parent, that kind of response can be frustrating. Wednesday - According to my son, Ms. Crisco repeated her initial action, bringing the boy to the classroom again and this time successfully badgering an apology from the boy. Later that afternoon at chess at Lamberts Point Community Center two boys from Quin’s class told me that forcing the apology had cemented Quin’s fate because it was now a matter of honor to the boy. They said he will bide his time and Quinn will be attacked. “Quin talks about people to the teacher,” one boy said Wednesday night. “(Name witheld) heard him talking about him to the teacher or somebody. You don’t talk about people. That’s what made Anaje mad in the first place. Then he had to apologize? I would punch him in the face too. Anybody would.” A third boy agreed saying “Snitches get stitches.” Maybe not today and maybe not on school grounds, but I believe it’s coming, largely because of what Ms. Crisco chose to do, not once, but twice. When I repeated what the boys told me to someone at the school I was told not to worry because “kids love drama.” However, there is a deep and resonant ring of truth here that I would like someone at NPS to hear. I understand everyone is busy and people forget things. I know people make bad jokes and social gaffs when they’re busy. However, I was disappointed and concerned when Ms. DeWees informed me yesterday (Thursday after Quin had a melt-down at recess where he is still feeling anxious) that she had not been informed of anything at all – not the danger from this boy, or Quin’s coping with bad news this week. Because she was not informed she was not equipped to help my son avoid a stress melt-down that would take him away from learning time again. As another preemptive note, I would appreciate this discussion not being shifted around to blame the victim, as happened Last Fall when I tried to engage you and your staff in finding strategies to help Quin cope with the stress which comes as a result of the ongoing bullying. Asking for your staff to simply be more aware of the disability and for the counselor to perhaps make some suggestions turned into a veritable witch hunt of his disability. I do not want another round of “he’s a magnet for this’ or “kids can be cruel” to take place here. Please, for the love of Heaven will you all watch the film Bully and see what those kinds of phrases look like to others? Mr. Fifer, during that meeting last year you said you completely understood Quin because you saw him as being “just like Sheldon on the TV show ‘The Big Bang Theory.’” At the time I hadn’t seen the show. Now I have and I have to say I am hurt. That is not my son at all. Likening my child to that fictional portrait of a clueless, laughable, dysfunctional man revealed your breathtaking lack of knowledge of Autism Spectrum children and how their families view them. While Sheldon is fictional there are some very real issues taking place daily within Larchmont Elementary School concerning bullying, cliques and social order. I want to move forward, but this week made me doubt that will happen without the district’s assistance. We, parents, need to feel that you are well versed and equipped to make good decisions on behalf of our children. The practices and perceptions being engaged in here where anti-bullying and special needs are concerned are demonstrative of a lack of education on the issues and the most effective methods of our time. I would like to see these practices reviewed and hopefully updated. Thank you. Lisa Suhay
Posted on: Fri, 10 Oct 2014 15:46:10 +0000
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