CHILD CUSTODY JUSTICE - WHAT CAN I DO? Pt. 4 (applies to men involved in custody issues with an abuser as well) Testify. I have been involved in several cases that were going badly until a trial or hearing finally occurred where the woman got a chance to testify, and that turned in a significantly better direction once the judge heard her tell her own story in detail. No strategy in family court is foolproof, but making your voice heard in a context where you get to speak for an hour, or for many hours, instead of for five minutes, can strengthen the position of the abused woman and weaken the ability of the abuser to put on a false front. Focus on the long term. Many abusive men, though not all, eventually unravel in litigation, hitting a limit on how long they can convince everyone, including their own children, that they have no abuse problem. In some cases you may not be able to defeat an abusive man in court right now, but if you are able to create structures that give him some responsibility and accountability, he will sink himself over time. Keep working on yourself and on your own relationships with your children, and focus on helping them heal and grow emotionally — which is the subject of the upcoming chapter. Involve yourself in the growing movement demanding rights for protective parents. If your court case has gone badly, you can help yourself heal from this double experience of abuse — first by your partner and then by the court system — by getting involved in organizations that are fighting for the rights of mothers to protect their children from abuse. Your own struggle need not be in vain, because you can help to ensure that other women and children are not put through the hardships that you have endured. (See the section on “Building a Broad-Based Movement.”) Reach out to all possible resources. Look under “Child Custody, Divorce, and Child Support” on the Resources page of this website. - lundybancroft *The above section was adapted from When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witness Abuse by Lundy Bancroft, Berkley Books, 2003 ~DC
Posted on: Tue, 10 Sep 2013 03:57:34 +0000
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