CINNAMINSON DEMOCRATS UNVEIL TOWNSHIP COMMITTEE CANDIDATES CINNAMINSON (April 1, 2014) -- Local Democrats announced today they have chosen Charles Richards and Elizabeth Albertson to run for two seats on the townships governing body this year. The pair of 28-year old candidates from Kelso Lane will square off against veteran Republicans Anthony Minniti and Ben Young for three year terms on the township committee. Bryan Hawthorne, campaign manager for Richards and Albertson, conceded that defeating the two popular and accomplished Republicans would not be an easy task. However, he touted his candidates high name recognition and first-hand experience with the public safety system. Our Democrat ticket has very creative ideas on how to raise revenue to pay for their spending promises, the campaign manager said. Since they have plenty of time on their hands, they want to give back to the community some of what theyve taken. The campaign manager boasted his candidates were a perfect fit with the Democrats. Theyre very left-of-center and hope to get their hero Obama to campaign for them. Plus theyre confident they can land other Democrat celebrities such as Charlie Sheen and Snoop Dogg. Moreover our candidates idolize Lindsay Lohan so they’re trying hard to secure an endorsement from their heroine, he added. At todays announcement event, held in a tiny room in Mt. Holly, a campaign slogan was also previewed by the candidates. “Our ticket wants to be called the ‘Liberal Secular Difference’,” the candidates declared. “Or ‘LSD’ for short.” Dressed in very wide pinstripes, the campaign manager disclosed that the new ticket has been hard at work on a platform. Our candidates promise a chicken in every pot... and pot in every garage. Or something like that... According to the campaign manager, the newcomers have reams of energy and are bouncing off the walls with vivid ideas and visions. “Once the residents in town encounter our candidates they’ll quickly become addicted.” A vigorous “grass roots” campaign and aggressive fund-raising will be waged, according to the candidates. They described how much they enjoy going to door-to-door and pledged to hit all houses in town. However, before showing up at houses their strategy calls for hitting local convenience stores, liquor stores, and gas stations. “We’ve encountered plenty of store owners lately and this has proven very fruitful for us,” the candidates remarked. “Hopefully store owners will see the wisdom in voluntarily contributing to our cause. Of course we wouldn’t want to strong-arm them or anything.” The campaign manager issued an urgent call for volunteers. Were opening up a headquarters right smack in the middle of town and are hosting around-the-clock activities for our supporters. Volunteers will be rewarded with munchies, homemade brownies, and yum-yums. Those wishing to sign up for the Democrat ticket were urged to call 1-800-SIN-CITY.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 05:17:01 +0000
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