CLEARING THE AIR ~ Some of you might wonder what turned me away from writing erotic romance after I had published so many. Most of you might not even care. But just in case anyone is wondering, here goes... My decision to walk away had nothing to do with the publisher. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink (cliche). I fell into a rut of despair and made poor personal choices, the choices were mine. And now its up to me to reverse those decisions and Im doing it. I dont like the latest stigma attached to erotic romance. Its not me, not who I ever was and not who I ever want to be. My decision to walk away started after I saw an interview of an erotic romance author. I knew in my heart that was NOT who I wanted to be. And by July 2013, I was shocked at how far I had fallen into a dark hole...just treading water, making a little money every month but not really getting anywhere. I was embarrassed to tell friends, acquaintances and so on what type of books I wrote. It was hard to break away, I wont lie. When struggling for money to pay for meds and food, 20-70 bucks a months makes a difference. Nevertheless, in July, I made the decision and stuck to it. I handed in my last erotic romance the first July 9, 2013. I did have to continue with edits as I had signed contracts for releases through the end of the year. But I havent written another once since that day. In the following 6 months, nothing really changed except that I felt better about myself with each day that passed. Then in January we got some good news and very soon, well be able to afford food, meds, clothes etc. You know, stuff most people need to live. Oh, the temptation to go back followed me around. Darkness does not easily let go. I had to push it away. And to me, erotic romance was darkness in my life. Now it might not feel that way to the millions of erotic romance authors out there and thats fine. I do NOT judge them at all! It just wasnt right for me. I write steamy romance but was never comfortable using graphic language or writing explicit scenes. I enjoy writing and reading the hugging, kissing and some tender, passionate caresses with a little undressing, but prefer to keep the main event off the page. What can I say? I love my euphemisms, the delicate way of painting love scenes that leaves a lot to the imagination. What was disturbing to me is how I became desensitized over the months. At first writing those words was like wearing someone elses shoes. Then after a while, it got easier, and I became completely numb. My muses left me in July, theyd had enough when I wrote in a genre I never thought Id try. I suffered major writers block for over SIX months! And I dont blame them. I deserved their boycott against me. They knew better than I, what it would take to bring me back. In December my muses started whispering, then in January they returned to me and Im now writing a little less than my usual numbers per day but still a healthy word count. Each day gets easier. Im excited about handing a copy of Masquerade to my one of my biggest fans, the Dr who treats my Menieres Disease. Hes never read my other books that I know of (and I hope not!), but he thinks its cool that Im a published author. He told me at my last appointment to go home and write a book because he always asks about my books when I go. He says I do much better when Im writing and at my last appointment I told him I had quit writing and my stress/anxiety was out of control. So I took my doctors advice and started Masquerade and I cant wait to give him a fresh copy in July! And...Ill be really proud of what Ive written and excited to show it off!
Posted on: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 06:30:53 +0000
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