CLOWN APOCALYPSE (DAY 12) The events being broadcast on CNN were so terrifying and unbelievable about this Raging Clowning Disease running amok in major cities up and down the east coast. We had (I believe) our first recorded case here but, that is been investigated – as local civilians said that “Old Man” Jenkins was always a jokester and he may have elected the wrong joke at the wrong time. The Sherriff took the body to the morgue but the town’s funeral direct refuses to touch the body (so we currently have a standoff) our CDC Program Manager sent a team to investigate. It was then that we received the following bulletin from CDC Headquarters… Effective at 10 AM (EST) the CDC Headquarters in Atlanta has issue a warning station offices in the following metropolitan area(s) for outbreaks of the still undiagnosed virus (being referred to by the media as the Raging Clown Disease) and each station will implement Code AULU 37 and process to overall assistance to local medical, civilian and designated military command (once an area is designated as a Clown Virus Zone). The following procedures will be implemented immediately to quarantine first stage victims while first responders should be protected against scratches, bites or handmade balloon animals. From our CDC Station in New Jersey, we have verification of stage one symptoms which include desire to dress as a clown with accessories such as the wearing oversized clothes, face paint, fright wigs and big rubber noses. If isolated and clown accessories are removed, this stage will remain stable (treatable?) Second stage patient must be avoided at all cost and retained in designated holding area for the time being. No resources should be expended upon them – as treatment (at present) cannot reduce or stop of the spread of the disease. First responds are authorized the use of deadly force to protect themselves and/or non-infective civilians. Boston CDC reports that authorities were unable to stop stage two or worse victims with tradition deadly force. In the protocol established for carious other zombie outbreaks with a blow to the head seem to offer no effect with this virus. It was discovered that Slim Whitman Music disoriented them long enough for a fatal blow directly to their funny bone. Final stage victims, are without any treatment or chance (now) of recovery and the will shed their clown clothes and will appear to be mimes. All cause need to be taken after the unfortunate event at the International School of Mime outside Cleveland earlier this AM. (CONTINUED PAGE 2/45)
Posted on: Sun, 19 Jan 2014 23:51:17 +0000