CMA COPYRIGHT 2014 CHAPTER 11 OVERCOMING PROCRASTINATION Procrastination is a habit, not a final flaw. It takes persistence to change, but you can do it. Define and clarify your personal goals, by articulating them and writing them down (journaling). Make sure your goal your setting is really yours and not your parents or significant others. And if your actions are not in line with your intentions, you should change your intention. Break your goal up into little parts and take little baby steps toward you goal. Rome wasn’t built in a day nor will your life be changed in a day. Write out a plan for yourself that includes your true wants and desires in this world and for yourself. Establish a regular time each day to work toward your goal. Make working towards your goal part of your routine. Organize your environment so it is conducive to the goal you are setting for yourself. If your not sure how to reach your goal, learn. Learn by talking to others and reading. Start small and easy, learn to build gradually towards reaching your goal. Again the longest journey begins with the first step. Most importantly change your attitude. Stop feeling that the world is too difficult and that your inadequate to meet it’s challenges. Stop thinking that you just can’t function without other people’s approval. Stop being convinced that disaster hinges on your actions. This only makes you feel immobilized and self defeating and only promotes self defeating and avoidance producing attitudes and beliefs. And when you have these feeling of being immobilized or are feeling self defeated, recognize them for what they really are, feelings of fear about the unknown. Don’t indulge them and don’t believe them, replace them with self enhancing beliefs and attitudes. Reminding yourself of the emotional and physical consequences of procrastination. Then remind yourself of non-procrastination. Concentrate on little pieces of your goal, don’t think in ‘all or nothing” terms. Pretend that you are a well-organized non procrastinator. Imagine how you would think and behave. Then think and behave that way, even if only for a few minutes at a time. Start to value your mistakes, don’t judge them. What is curious, useful, interesting about them, what is worth while. Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. That is how we learn to do them well. Learn to know your escapes and avoidances and call yourself on them. Rage, complaint and discord only keeps us stuck. Change your behavior. Try to do what you are afraid or feeling to lazy to do. And enjoy contentment upon doing the avoided task. Keep your task visibly in front of you, set up reminders, signs, slogans, notes and lists. When you get going on it, keep going, do something when you think of it, don’t just think of it. What I do is, if I think of it I do it. Do instant, tiny things. Try to do something daily towards your goal. Start a project and stay with it for for a few minutes. Consider another five minutes at the end of the day. Establish priorities among your tasks according to the degree of unpleasantness. Start with the most unpleasant task and work down until you get to the easier more pleasant ones. If you have got something hard to do, rehearse it in your imagination. Take time to work the bugs out and not terrify yourself. Accept yourself, give yourself time to change. Expect and forgive back sliding or procrastination if it should happen. Give yourself credit for everything you do and be sure to forgive yourself a lot. To stop procrastinating make what you have to do meaningful. Relate the task to your goals and be sure to remember the payoffs and rewards. Break big jobs into small manageable parts. Make your task measurable so you can see your progress. See yourself finishing this task. Visualize it. Make sure to reward yourself once you have completed a task. Make sure it is a healthy reward. The minute you find yourself procrastinating, plunge into the task. Imagine yourself successfully doing it. When you notice yourself continually pushing a task into the low priority re-examine the purpose for doing it at all. And if you realize you really don’t intend on doing something, quit telling yourself that you will. Because that is real procrastination. Tell the truth and drop it, find a new goal to achieve. Than you are not procrastinating and you don’t have to carry around the baggage of an undone task. Set your own goals, live your own life an d follow your own star. The world is inside your own skull, all you see on the outside is an illusion. Don’t deny pain observe it, express it and move forward. This is how you began to make life easier. Be honest with yourself and be willing to have and make change. We leak so much useful energy out because of the excess baggage we carry which drains us of all creativity and uniqueness. This energy is always going out because we are always taking care of everyone else by caring what they think of us. Describe what is the extra baggage wearing us down. Lighten your load and change your life style. And learn a new way to cope and be yourself. Journaling is a way to rid one’s self of excess unessacary baggage. Say to yourself, “how do I want to get through life”? With heavy luggage or with a light load? Angels fly because they take themselves lightly. Try to see more humor with situations by losing that need to feel special or superior. Lose that need to feel right as well as the need to be liked. It is a good way to avoid feeling rejected. Forget hurt and pain and your need to get justice and revenge. It is hard to love someone that cannot love you back especially if it is yourself. Along with procrastination, comes poor problem solving skills. You must know how to solve your own problems. A good start is to identify your problem. Analyze or understand why it is a problem. Search deep within for alternatives or solutions. Develop an action that is aimed to solve this problem. Most of all remember to live in the solution and not the problem. If you should choose to live in the problem you will feel self defeated, self destructive, counter productive and self derogation. You might stop feeling like taking care of yourself. Make the same mistakes over and over again. This may show up in gambling, smoking bad diet/bad relationships. Self abuse: drinking, drugging and taking unhealthy risks. This self defeating behavior is never done in one’s best interest. Things like cheating, lying, stealing, driving unsafely these things are never done with one’s own best interest in mind. Good coping skills lead to a conclusion that is most adaptive. Two good ways of coping are to be flexible and self confident. With self-confidence you bring about control over yourself and your life. So what does it mean to cope and not to procrastinate? It simply means you are in control of your emotions no matter what happens to you. Staying in control requires planning, no assuming, nothing is a guarantee. Coping is an on going process and should be seen as such for all of us. And learning rational healthy ways of dealing with anxiety. Good coping skills lead to conclusions that are most adaptive for us. Being problem focused can be outer or inner directed , outer deal with altering situations or others. While inner deals with self. The only real situation or thing you have control over. A good way to deal with emotional stress is through exercise, meditation, seeking support and progressive realization techniques. These different means of coping will be evaluated according to their effectiveness for you. A good way to check where you are on your coping skills is to ask yourself? 1). What is the distinction between self blame and self responsibility? 2). What are the pros and cons of avoidance or procrastination? 3). What are your most common self defeating behaviors? 4). What are the characteristics of “good copers”? 5). How do good copers differ from unsuccessful copers? Optimistic, positive people have low anxiety and are confident and exhibit high levels of self esteem. People who live in self blame, tend to be less happy, less well adjusted, and more depressed. Self responsibility comes from not blaming yourself or degrading one’s self for negative or unhappy events. Self responsibility develops a sense of mastery, internal control and honest evaluation of one’s self and world in which they live. We may not be responsible for all of the negative things that happen in our lives, but we are responsible for finding the solutions. Avoidance or procrastination only prevents personal feed back. Instead of heading off these problems we become woven into them with avoidance. We feel no real self control over our lives and problems because often we have just hoped that all our problems would just go away. With action and solution focused skills we will feel self confident and worth while. Plus that we will find that our problem wasn’t really that big or bad after all. By just hoping that our problems will just go away we create more stress and discord because we never know when that problem is going to catch up with us again. Plus with avoidance or procrastination our problems now have a long term effect on us because instead of dealing with them, we have just stuffed them away while still hanging on to them. Our expectations about life can keep us stuck and stagnant. And with stagnancy there is very little growth. In problem solving there is going to be at one time or another some levels of stress. The point is not to have extreme levels. Coping is a continual process just so we can get better at it. And coping is a lot like critical thinking, we all develop our own way. In having good coping skills and lack of procrastination, it is important not to be passive in your life but to be active. An active participant has control over themselves because they are not standing on the side lines looking in at their lives. So be an active participant in your life, it’s the only life you will ever have. Don’t just let things happen to you and for you, make them happen. One of the key characteristics of a good coper is rationality. Affective copers unlike unsuccessful non-affective copers deal with knowing it’s a continual process and that you can get better at it. Good copers know there is no guarantee and that you must exert effort and planning to be a good effective coper. Affective, good copers use critical thinking and bad copers use avoidance, helplessness denial and implustivity and use confronting not planned out strategies. Affective copers develop critical skills like flexibility or being able to create consider alternatives or plans. They have far sightedness and can anticipate long term effects of coping response or lack of. And good effective copers us rational, making accurate appraisals. Successful coping is an attitude and a life philosophy of a positive way of being and knowing in this world. And most of all don’t just assume anything in this world. We will have authentic pride as a reward for our achievement if we feel pride in our accomplishments. And if you don’t feel pride in your accomplishments, ask yourself, “who chose my goals? Me or the voice of some significant other inside of me?” Pride and self esteem are not supported by the pursuit of second-hand values that don’t reflect who I really am. So adopt a goal, generate a question and develop and answer. Here are some ways to cope with so called failure: persistence, focus on achieving success not on your failure. Pride, have a sense of internal control when confronted with a problem. Don’t be self handicapping by avoiding responsibility for a performance. Taking responsibility negates engaging in behavior that under minds your performance. Sabotaging your own success or having a reason to fail. Like getting drunk or stoned. Be mastery oriented by turning challenges into useful learning experiences. Stop self defeating conclusions like I never was any good anyway, so I will quit. And stop being a perfectionist, so many worry about making mistakes, they have little energy left over for the real deal. And feel the fear and do it anyway, chances are it is more fearful to stay where you are and do nothing. Learning involves permanent change in behavior so remember it is going to take some time to relearn and make new better permanent change in yourself. Most often anger and frustration are a projection of blame. Victimization is a feeling that you get hurt and screwed over most of the time. And a feeling that you will never recover from it. Try to understand that you choose to be a victim and see your past as such. You could stop the self or outside blame and forget the anger and frustration if you choose to. You actually become your own victimizer when you hang on to this anger and frustration. And if you say things like “I never met anyone who understands me or listens to me. Chances are you never will. We all have to tap into our authentic self because eventually you can’t not do it. The conflict gets so intense of following others ideals and ways. I find the best way is to get busy. Action is the way to get things done. It seems as if I sat around for 20 years trying to figure out what I want to do when I grew up. Action raises your self esteem. And good luck happens when your in action. There is an animal in all of us and it has great instincts, so start listening to yours. Action raises your self esteem and with good self esteem good luck usually follows. Setting a goal is so important if you think you know what you want to do go for it. Even if you don’t know much about it, learn about and do it. Do it first and learn how second. Here are some “action steps” BEGIN TO SEE YOURSELF THROUGH OTHER’ EYES How would I like to have a relationship with me? How would I like to have a partner like me? How would I like to have a parent like myself? Or a manager like me? Or a child like me? Or an employee like me? EVALUATE IMPORTANT INFORMATION Check out the validity of statements that seem important Get input from experts BREAK YOUR DAILY ROUTINE Go to work another way Cut down on television Increase reading Make new friends Start a new hobby or project TAKE A PERSONAL HEALTH INVENTORY Have a physical exam Review parent’s lifestyle Work to break any harmful patterns Eat vegetables, fruit and exercise LEARN POSITIVE ATTITUDE STEPS If it weren’t for time, money or circumstances I’ be successful Ray Crock at the age of 54, created McDonalds Grandma Moses at the age of 75, painted her first painting Walt Disney was just as successful when he was broke. It’s important to remember that the climate of approval and expectance you grew up in will equal your confidence and self esteem today. It is equally important to remember that you now have control over the climate you are in and approval and expectance should be key. Here are some poems and sayings about that little inner voice we all have. MY INNER VOICE I have this little inner voice, that goes around with me. I tell it what I’m thinking, I tell it what I see I tell my little inner voice all my hopes and fears. It listens and remembers everything it hears. At first my little inner voice followed my command, but now after years of training mine’s gotten out of hand. It doesn’t care what’s right or wrong, or what is true or false. No matter what I try now, it tells me what to do Author unknown HABITS START LIKE FLIMSY COBWEBS AND GROW INTO CABLES WITH PRACTICE Most of us will need a whole new script in life If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything If you don’t know where your going you might end up somewhere else. To often we don’t feel free to express our true thoughts, for fear of punishment, rejection, or ridicule, or we keep our feeling for other reasons. Often we don’t like whatever is going on in our lives or we think there could have seen a more effective way of doing something but are reluctant to tell anyone. Too many of us have learned that it is safe and polite to not reveal our feelings. After all feelings often cause others to be uncomfortable and often new ideas or opinions are unwelcome. They are perceived as a threat to one’s own ideas or opinions or status. Often your own uniqueness can be perceived as a source of conflict rather then sources of development. and achievement. Often when we speak our true feelings we are seen as insubordinate, rebellious, or critical and are reacted to accordingly. However if we don’t learn to voice our true feelings we lose confidence in ourselves. INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE Memorize a poem you like Don’t believe all you hear Don’t spend all you have When you say your sorry look that person in the eye Never laugh at anyone’s dream Remember, people who don’t have dreams don’t have much Be loving and compassionate you might get hurt but it is the only way to live a life completely In disagreement fight fairly Talk slowly, think quickly Great love and great achievement involve great risk Remember the three R’s Respect for self Respect for others Responsibility for your actions Remember with problems, come solutions and the solution is in the problem. Go forth and conquer this life of yours. Courage is as courage does, but ever wonder where courage is? The day you felt left alone, to deal with life all on your own? Well maybe it did seem that way...and maybe this might come today a little late, a bit behind. But in these words I hope I find, a tiny little bit I need to recharge my spirit while I read. Go forth and conquer, and remember nobody can do it like you do. Tell me and I forget Show me and I remember But let me do it and It will understand Confucius Realize that events on the surface of your life are only reflections of the test you erect for yourself. Stop allowing yourself to be pulled into a cycle problem that always pins you in the middle. Let it resolve itself, without your input or energy. “LISTEN” When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not listened When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell my why I shouldn’t feel that way, you have trampled on my feelings When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem Listen!! All that I asked was that you listen, not talk or do–just listen When you do something for me that I can do and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy. But, when you except a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about this business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling. And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them. So PLEASE just listen and hear me And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn... And I will listen LEARN TO REALLY LISTEN TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS By truly listening you have a better chance of calling the authentic self. You will understand better how to be your real self, not what your parent and what society has molded. Stress and anger are manageable. With positive thinking brings self esteem, getting in touch with your true self. Is a process and is the key to real self esteem. Learn how to get in touch with your real self. The more you can tolerate yourself (disowned self) the better you will be. Question the beliefs, your beliefs. Where did they come from anyway? And are they really your beliefs or your parents beliefs? Don’t fight or belittle yourself, if you didn’t or can’t do it this time, you’ll do it next time. Don’t feel guilty and don’t be so hard on yourself. A lot of what you think are your own ideas and thoughts are not your anyway. Learn to go with your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Try to get back to your disowned self and stop living through a facade or a mask. You will find after you remove the mask it may be hard to go back to that self without being bored out of your mind. Time, are you its master or its slave? Take time to pause and to sharpen your skills in managing time, you will accomplish more in the long run and reduce a lot of stress about not having time. Don’t just set “to do lists” set priorities. Set priorities to importance but stay flow-able. Stay in control so that what you do accomplish each day is by choice, not by chance. Remember it’s not in completing the list, but making the best use of your time, that is important, you can always put what didn’t get done today on tomorrow list. Distinguish between “urgent’ and “important” to know what should be first, second or third on a list. Decide what results will come from doing each thing. Learn to say “no” tactfully, or just to say no when you have time planned for something. Remember saying yes to someone sometimes is usually saying no to yourself. Make sure to get a lot of rest and relaxation, organize your self and home make sure to set some deadlines. Do not procrastinate, break overwhelming tasks into small ones. Concentrate on progression and not on perfection. Always make good use of waiting time, write (journal) read, or draw. Most importantly, don’t fret over something that needs to be done, that, for some reason, (try to understand the reason) you really don’t want to do. Be organized, organization enables you to get things done in a shorter amount of time and makes you feel in control of your environment. Have good management skills, management gives you control. Buy a pocket calender and write down daily goals. Writing them down gives you visualization towards your goals. Hans Selye was the first researcher to take a close look at stress. At first he thought stress was stimulus, he later viewed it as a response. We humans or animals encounter a threatening stimulus they will mobilize themselves in an attempt to adapt to that stimulus and this motivation is called general adaption syndrome or (GAS) this general adaption syndrome has three stages 1) there is an alarm 2) resistance and 3)exhaustion. The potential for illness or trauma exists at all three of the stages. Crucial to a person’ experience of stress is that individuals different coping strategies and different people will appraise different events as stressful. Making the likelihood of stress a related disorder different in each person. Any attempt to measure stress and a person ability to cope with it is very complex. And usually only that individual can make that decision for themselves. Knowing how to thrive during transition requires effective responses. Have effective healthy responses by being curious, asking questions. Don’t say, “ why”, say “why not.” Adapt to changes with questions, experiment, don’t be afraid to make mistakes that is how we learn lessons. Be more playful, have fun! Ask what is my meaning and my legacy? What do It need to do? What if It tried, what would It feel like than? Think about how the present is different from the past. Develop self confidence and high self esteem by expecting to handle things well. And know that you will succeed, if you don’t believe in yourself, who will believe in you? Know that you can count on you and be proud. Be paradoxical, think and feel both one way and the opposite. Be flexible develop action choices out of inner paradoxes be logical and intuitive, tough and sensitive, relaxed and intense, calm and emotional, easy going and persistent. Say to yourself, “to survive what changes do I need to make in myself and my environment?” Re-develop your intuition, we all had it when we were born. Monitor inner feelings and reactions. Listen to your body and what it is trying to tell you. Have empathy by trying to understand the ideas of others. Try to understand other’s feelings and what they say or do. Try to put yourself in their place and to understand what it would be like to be them. Act in unselfish ways to have things work well for everyone. Have a win win attitude. And when you find this difficult to do, try to interact, so things turn out well for all of us. Convert misfortune into good luck and a learning experience. Get strength out of adversity . Invent creative ;practical solutions. Think up ways to turn around a bad situation. Think of reasons why this could be good that it is happening. And ask, “what can It learn from this misfortune”? Learn to use the skills you were born with to cope.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Nov 2014 23:26:15 +0000
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