COULD HAVE, SHOULD HAVE, MIGHT HAVE By Muyiwa Afolabi I believe the number one reason why many of us are not operating at our full potential, struggling in life and experiencing financial and material frustration is fear. Fear! We are afraid of everything. We are self-preserving and we hate to take risk. We love our comfort zones and wouldnt dare do anything different or try out something new. We hate discomfort and dont enjoy paying the price for a higher level or superior experience. We avoid making mistakes because we dont want regrets. We hate thoughts like ‘had I know’ and we are slow to forgive ourselves for mistakes, errors and miscalculations. Some of us are so self-limiting in evaluating our true potentials. Ive heard many paid employees for example say stuff like, ha, I cant do business o; Im not cut out for that. Hmmm. The truth is these guys dont want to stretch themselves and take absolute responsibility for a business not that they cant. Many of us have a longer list of the things we cant do than the ones we can do. Personally I believe we can do all things, its all in the mind. Ive seen many full time house wives become very successful business women after the demise of their husbands, and Ive seen several individuals become wonderful entrepreneurs after losing their jobs suddenly. The abilities and talents they never knew they had, sprung to the fore when it became necessary. Many of us are self-limiting in our thinking basically because we want to avoid risks and exposures unfortunately, we lose out on so many opportunities we come across and dont live our lives in full; we live not so satisfying and unfulfilling lives. Sometimes ago, I decided to attend the annual Black Heritage festival that holds in Badagry, Lagos Nigeria. This event was conceived and instituted as an annual occasion to celebrate the black race and their culture. Many black people of African origin come regularly during this festival from all over the world; mostly the US, the UK, Jamaica and other nations. And these foreigners are taken through a tour of Badagry; a Nigerian coastal town in Lagos; a once upon a time slave market and told the history and horrific experience of the over 300 years of abuse and dehumanization in slave trade. Many of these tourists were in tears by the time the docent had taken us through the museum and they expressed their anger in words at the so called Europeans; the Britons, Belgians, Portuguese and the French that perpetuated these horrible trade. But through the whole tour of these museums my mind was on something else. I was just thinking. What exactly was on the mind of those Europeans when they looked at the vastness of the Atlantic Ocean and decided to set on voyage to the other side not sure what they would find, not sure if they would survive the journey; not sure if the region would be conducive or would kill them. Not sure if the inhabitants on the other side were stronger, more powerful or ferocious. What gave them the confidence and impression that whatever they found on the other end of the ocean would be worth the risk? These journeys to the badagry Marine from Europe was for an average period of three months, and I just couldnt help but wonder how these Europeans felt every night, every day on their first journey to discover what they called the dark continent. They left behind their wives, children, friends, relatives and comfortable homes; not sure they will ever return to see them again. They berth the shores of Nigeria, popularly called the Slave Coast then, as over 90% of the slaves exported from the west coast to Europe came from Nigeria and Benin republic. Of course these Europeans were outnumbered by the natives they met on ground yet they were able to subdue all these black people and convince them to start selling their brothers and sister in exchange for bottles of hot drinks, Umbrella and mirrors. I marvel at their guts, audacity and attitude to risk. What if they had met cannibals or were offered as sacrifice to idols, they didnt think like that, they believed they would succeed and for more than 300 years they succeeded. Dear friend what are you afraid of? What is that venture, that activity or that move you want to make but youre reluctant because the outcome is not guaranteed? Guess what, no outcome is guaranteed, even your present place of comfort is not guaranteed, your employment, or business is not guaranteed, come on and lunch out today and activate that dream. Lift up your eyes and look, reach out and possess as far as your eyes can see. Dont limit yourself and your capacity; you can definitely do better than this. You have powers and potentials in you which you dont realize it. Unfortunately we live in a community where fear and self-limiting beliefs prevail. The most common advice from friends and family and loved ones is be careful, not be care free. Every time you share an idea or plan with any close person, the first reaction and feedback you get most times is what could go wrong. They immediately begin to reel out why they think you shouldnt do it, consider it or attempt what you want to do. They sow the seed of doubt in abundance to the end that your great idea begin to look foolish. If people cant find anything wrong with your plan or idea, the next statement is ‘are you sure youve thought through this thing you want to do very well?’ Think about it oh, hmm.” They see nothing wrong with it, can tell nothing is wrong with it, yet theyll scare you with their statements and body language. Even when you start and face a few challenges and setback which is very normal, they begin to say ‘ehen I warned you, I said it wasnt such a good idea!’ They discourage and talk you out of a great and marvelous life and future just because of a temporary and normal challenge. In our Nigerian community, many of us dont speak life into peoples dreams and desires, words like you can do it, you can make it, you will succeed, you will be great is very scarce. We only get to hear such words in religious circles and the ability to activate is always absolutely tied to divinity not human capacity. Hence we relinquish our responsibilities and abilities to divine intervention and do nothing on our own. Dear friend there is so much power and ability in you. Stop running away from your true identity; youre greater, stronger and better than you think. You need to reach out and express your inner qualities and abilities. Let me tell you this, no one and nothing can stop you except you. Dont be afraid of problems and challenges, theyre part of our lives, they will come and they will go. Failure is not permanent, you will succeed if you believe and youre determined and committed. I think there are three fundamental reasons why people close to you would initially raise all the challenges and problems that may be tied to any dream, plan or vision you share with them. Firstly, its because they love you. You see when people love you they cant afford to see you go through hurt, pain or distress. They are somewhat protective of you and they assume the responsibility of ensuring your safety. So each time you share an idea with them, their security alert begins to blare, and all they begin with is warning, warning!! They dont want to see you get hurt, broken, distressed or destroyed so they discourage you and begin to preach contentment and satisfaction. They discourage you because they love you. Secondly they may discourage you because theyre comfortable with your place in their lives. Let me explain. Probably on the account of your current position and your life style and availability there is a flow in the way you interact and relate that they enjoy. If your dream or plan is however going to alter the current running of this interaction like requiring you relocating, changing jobs, changing environment or becoming more involved with other people, they may discourage you – they love and want you too much to let you go further into your dreams. Hmmmm. Lastly, its human to compete and compare, if your dream and vision and plans would move you further and place you on a higher pedestrian or enhance your profile, they may discourage you because they wouldnt want you to do better than them, they wouldnt want you to go further than them, your success and accomplishment may keep reminding them of their own weaknesses and slow achievement. So they may begin to say to you, youre too desperate, ambitious. Slow down, calm down, this fast lane will destroy you. Laughs. My dear friend, take counsel in you. Know who you are, you are who you are; dont let anyone tell you different. Think, plan, dream, work hard, believe and go for it. Be passionate; be persistent and patient, one day youll strike your gold! In the 16th century, Europeans dared to come to Africa; the dark, mysterious and dangerous continent risking everything not sure if theyll survive or die. They succeeded and today their nations are still enjoying and reaping from the fruit of the hard labor of over 3 million slaves mostly from Nigeria and Benin republic whom they shipped to the new world for over 300 years. You may hate the history and be pained by the experience, but with all the human sacrifice, cannibalism, voodoo in Benin republic and JUJU in Nigeria, the dangers on the high seas and the wild animals including pythons, sharks and other wild animals in the West African coastal forests; those Europeans dared to visit; they were courageous. Dear friend, make sure when youre much older and winding down your dominant thoughts are not could have, should have and might have. Enjoy your day!
Posted on: Fri, 05 Dec 2014 06:59:27 +0000
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