Caleb has more to say. Last week I offered a counter opinion about how to act when our friends and loved ones opt out of church. I wrote this: They are hurting themselves in the long run, we were told at church today. No, they are not. They are seeking what works for them because the church (us) was not working for them.” Some people wanted me to take back the words “No, they are not.” I will not. When people opt out, they are being honest about their questions, discomfort, or confusion. Why they leave does not matter. What matters is that they have a reason. My Grandpa Warnock left the church outright. Questions, hurt and confusion have rippled down the generations since. I learned the truth of his leaving the hard way -- the suffering way. Here is the truth: my concern is all entertainment. Entertainment is anything that I spend my time on that I cannot influence. I can spend my time alphabetizing other’s sins, scrapbooking them, growing my “righteous indignation”, scolding, preaching, giving unwanted advice. I can devote my life to their sins. None of this creates influence. It is more fun to spend my time thinking about their sins. It is less fun to look myself in the eye. Finding complete self honesty is hard. To say the person is the problem, and not their reason, is to say they must not have a real reason. That is a lie we tell to entertain ourselves. That entertainment is damaging. Our quiet dignity would be helpful. But silence is the hardest thing to say, and many of us fail. Instead we speak a judgement (“You are only hurting yourself in the end!!!) Judgement is not useful -- it is selfish entertainment. Also entertainment -- weeping, gnashing our teeth, putting our hurt on display. Being honest about your questions or discomfort is bravery. Entertainment is dishonest. If we create contention, we are the problem. Are we scared of their questions? Scared we don’t have an answer? Is it useful to judge how they act on their questions, or their sincerity? How can we create influence -- usually by backing off, being quiet, showing love. Why my Grandpa left the church is not my business. I am only responsible for me. I had my own confusion, pain, and questions, and I left the church when it hurt too much to go to church. I went on an intense personal journey that led me back to the full truth. My questions were answered. I earned the answers. I was not helped by people who were excited to cast stones at me. For a time I entertained myself by being angry. But the entertainment was empty. I wanted answers. I was drawn to people who had discernment, who knew when to speak and what to say. They were useful people to me. I am grateful to them, and that God listened to my angry, hurt, but honest prayers.
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 00:02:34 +0000
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