Can we continue to love when things dont work out the way we want them too...I think that is the hardest lesson to accept ...When I first came down here from Wisconsin. I left wis. because every thing had ended there for me ,and with end I actually mean new beginning.In 2008 when dear one passed ,I was devastated and at the same time exceited beyond believe ,I felt it was time to put all that I had practice into action , but there also was an element of fear, because I had lived for 10 years so removed from the so called world , in a spiritual safe haven. Applying the course and listening daily to the truth that made every atom of my being sing in joy .I loved that man dear one he will always be the love of my life, but with everything that we love totally there comes a recognition that we are that very love ,and it cannot ever leave us ,challenge is can we see it in everyone ,because if we believe its only in that one body we have just killed it again, by making it special..I meet my husband at the Academy, just befor dear one passed on, and he surplued me with an endless opportunity to look at myself a new, what I loved and (hated of course whom am I kidding) about him the most ,he would challenge my spiritual self righteousness ,and god only knew I had alot. I really thought I eat the truth with a spoon lol We got married for many reasons known and unknown ,but for most part because I really wanted to.Our marriage was intense all filled with passionate conflicts on all levels , but for all of them I will be eternally grateful for ,I loved being a wife and a step mom, and all of that, but we had differences that in the end neither one of us could live with .When I went to say goodbye to my dad in germany ,that was transitionig, and I returned he started an affair and needless to say I was pissed, I called him and confront him ,he didnt come home for 3 weeks ,intressting thing that happen was my brother called me ,with in the first couple of days, and I was just about to tell him the betrayed wife story ,as he stopped me cooled in my tracks, and said listen this has nothing to do with you ,do you hear me, you are fine its his story .I thought how can this not have anything to do with me, dosent this mean I am not good enough and thats why he betrayed me, but I took It because I have always adored my brother ,so I sat with it. He told me just sit with yourself and feel your own feelings its not personal , amazing it opend my heart so wide, I first of all saw that I was pissed because he beat me to the punch ,and that signified the whole competition that we experience in our relationship , and second that we both knew we came to the end of our time together ,we had learned as much we could from one another ,it was time to move on , and that was what he did ,and in the way he did it .I had done the very act myself before ,and it may have been time for me to feel the pain that I had coursed since we can never escape anything in life .But now it was time to take responability and release my self in love, by releasing him . All I can say is It wasnt as easy as it sounds now ,because for a moment I had to make a decision to love instead of hate in a moment to to moment bases .And of course we both got afraid, when I decided to move to Florida ,and I almost thought we can maybe make it again.Then I realist it was my fear of abandonment that keept me prisoner all my live ,and had me stay in unhealthy relationships by focusing outside of my ownself. But some where we knew deep within that our fantasy had been uncovered beyond repair. In my heart he will always be the man that had the guts to marry me ,god only knows I am no walk In the park lol joke aside I am forever thankful to this beautiful soul ,because he showed me ,I can continue to love in the face of betrayal how could I have been betrayed not possible ,when love is real and perfect .He healed with that all my memories of betrayal that I must have still carried ,not even knowning.....Thank you my eternal love...☆♡☆And one more thing, that I have to come to understand ,that we will always have all the help we need to make this transformation our own, but in the end its a very individual journey in which one has to stand alone in that fear and watch it turn into the most brilliant love you have ever know in a certainty to the core of your being that alone really is ALL ONE right with in your own heart no exception ever I love you my dearest ones....☆♡☆
Posted on: Sun, 08 Jun 2014 19:23:30 +0000