Can you GIVE TOO MUCH in a relationship? I like to compare a relationship to a plant in a garden... in order for it to grow and bring the fruit you want it needs watering and care on a consistent basis. Its the ongoing commitment to investing in a marriage by BOTH husband and wife that helps it to thrive. But can you water the plant to the point it is hurting it? Can you give so much that your relationship is worse for it??? Yes. Heres the 3 ways that OVER-GIVING can hurt a relationship. 1) SCORE KEEPING... Over giving can lead to RESENTMENT in a relationship when you are giving to get. As long as your efforts are reciprocated, youre good. But if you feel like youre giving MORE than the other person, then it will make it harder for you to appreciate what efforts they ARE making... The antidote for this is to give without expectation. 2) GIVING WITHOUT RECEIVING... Over giving to your partner without asking for your needs and wants, taking time to nurture yourself, or denying others offers to help will often lead to DEPLETION. Youll feel exhausted, worn out, unappreciated, and like you have nothing left to give. Your tank will grow empty and youll end up sabotaging what you really want... The antidote for this is #1, ask for what you want and allow the other person to give to you. #2 give to yourself what you want... There is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself. Its the way you make sure you have a full tank to offer to others. 3) SMOTHERING... Sometimes we over-give in an effort to meet our own needs in a relationship but your partner may need more SPACE. This doesnt mean they dont love you or there is something wrong in the relationship, but they need time on their own to grow and take care of their own needs. Men especially need alone time in their man-cave to think, process through their problems, or just to clear their mind. Sometimes less can be more.... The antidote for this is to try to be aware of whether they are wanting more from you now or not. Try to give to them based on their needs, and not your own. But with all this said, DONT BE AFRAID TO BE THE ONE WHO GIVES THE MOST... overgiving is way better than not giving enough. I recently met this cute old couple that was holding hands as they walked in the shopping mall. They had been married 55 years and I asked them if they were to go back, what advice they wish they wouldve had and the lady said, Every day try to outdo your spouse with kindness...and then she added with a little twinkle in her eye as she looked at her husband, I do the best I can, but most days he outdoes me. Make meaningful daily investments in the one you love through words, acts of service, and tokens of love... when you do this, your love will thrive. Gerald Rogers Bestselling author of The Marriage Advice I Wish I Wouldve Had: What Divorce Taught Me about Love and Life marriageadvicebook
Posted on: Thu, 08 Jan 2015 15:46:00 +0000
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