Can you still remember the day when he broke your heart? Can you still remember the place where he decided to stop everything, including the beating of your heart, for almost nine seconds when he uttered the words you’re fearing to hear? Can you still remember the feeling you’ve felt when he said that two words that never break your bones but surely ripped off your heart into thin pieces? That feeling, I felt that today. We laid our bodies at the most secluded place on the park near his house. The touch or bermuda grass on my thin top gives the same sensation when our bodies collide—dry, lively. I looked at him and stared at his perfection. I sat on his side and started unbuttoning my blouse when he held my hands, stopped me, and kiss me instead. The kiss that will never give you a hint that he’ll going to break up with you after that moment. I resumed unbuttoning my blouse and he stopped me again. “No, not here. Not today.” He started playing with my bare hands. He put his fair, cold hands in between mine and he brushed his lips against the back of it, on my knuckles to my long fingers. He counted my fingers as if it were not the same number when he last checked it. He did cute things and he even bit my thumb and wink at me that made my heart jump in delight. But the trees around us felt cold and weary. They guarded us from the burning sunlight but I can’t see delight from the way they swayed to the rhythm of the wind. As if they knew something I don’t know. The birds singing not the same songs when we’re at that place. There’s also lesser visitors having their picnic in the park that time. I felt that something’s wrong but I can’t point anything in sight. I looked at his pure black eyes that serves as my supernova and I saw not the same pupils and not the same intensity of joy whenever we were together. He’s not a star today but a mere black hole. I laid my head on his lap and pretend sleeping. He narrated goodbye as if it was the speech he memorized a long time ago. He did not falter and I am proud of him for that. He gently kissed my forehead and said the words I feared the longest. “It’s over. We’re over.” I heard it clearly but I never shut my eyes open. One, two, three seconds last and I waited for another speech. I want to hear him more. I want the touch of his voice on my ear canal. Four, five, six seconds but he sat at the bench still and his masculine scent filled my nose and thoughts. Seven, eight, nine long seconds and I felt my heart stopped beating and for that long nine seconds he didn’t say anything. I’ve felt my heart burst into million pieces, scattering like the billion stars across the universe. My breathing paused and became irregular making me difficult to inhale his promises and exhale his goodbyes. He knew that I was only pretending asleep so he never tried to wake me up. He held my head gently and he silently move out of my touch and replace his presence with the stuffed toy he bought earlier that served as my pillow. He walked away and I heard footsteps until it was gone. I stayed there for another minute. Afraid that if I open my eyes, tears will burst in a nonstop speed. And when I opened my eyes to see if he’s still around, I was shocked that no tears fell from my eyes. Maybe because the bleeding of my heart is already enough that if I shed a single tear, I will be teared apart. Ang Babaeng Bitter sa Pag-ibig (Admin Ai)
Posted on: Fri, 28 Jun 2013 16:24:34 +0000
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