Caregiver Help Word of the Day - FAIR Through the years I’ve learned not to say, “That’s not fair”, because it makes me fighting mad when someone replies, “Well, life isnt fair.” (Has that response ever made anyone feel even a teeny bit better?) We all know that bad things happen to good people and that sometimes lousy human beings seem to have extraordinarily good luck. So how do we find peace in our hearts when were feeling burdened or angry and everything seems terribly out of balance and incredibly unfair. I think it helps to step back and look at each situation dispassionately. Take your emotions out of the mix and weigh the facts as if you were a judge. Is it fair that your mother wants you to sacrifice your life and freedom to take care of her? Is it fair that one or more of your siblings leaned on your parents in the past for financial support but are not contributing anything toward their care now? Is it fair that your husband isn’t taking on any extra responsibilities in the home even though you’re working full time and taking care of his dad to boot? NO! None of these situations are fair. But as long as you are willing to put up with another person’s bad behavior, they have no motivation to change. It’s up to you to draw the line. Decide what you are willing to give. Determine what you want from others, and then tell them what you expect. Don’t whine, cry, beg or plead. You don’t need their permission or approval to ask for what you need. They may not agree with you. They may not like what you tell them, and that’s okay. What matters is having enough respect for yourself that can you value your own needs as much as you value the needs of others. It may not be easy. It may take some time and practice, but when you get there you will realize . . . it’s only fair! ******** Elaine K Sanchez is an author, speaker and co-founder of CaregiverHelp, a video-based caregiver support program. Contact her at Elaine@EKSanchez
Posted on: Wed, 19 Mar 2014 14:28:54 +0000
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