Carried 40lbs home. Sore the minute I start! Over loaded last time. Everything has a limit! Take the bus will be better, but still need to go to bus station, and then the station back home, and 60euro more a month! Save month is in my bone! Even before I married, I started to save. For I know I will marry a man who can not earn much, and has a heavy family burden! Spent 600 euros for living, lg,s subway:80euro, lunch100 euro, cigarette 50 euro, luckily, have still about 1200 euro in account. 2 month later, my cd is due, and I am saved. Lg still have not get his plane ticket re-imbursed, I was counting on that money to tide me through. The us account is exhausted, all for the plane tickets here, and have to pay back now in this month! I am so lucky that we still have 1200 euro in savings account. Thinking of my spending, I think, that I am so cheap, a total of 300 euros, lg needs to eat home other than his five lunches. He also eats. Ore that. E. So I only get to eat 100 euro a month. Other than that, I do not really spend all these years. Very seldom spend on clothing. Each piece is under 10 dollars, with too long, or too big, that are 80% on sale! and I alter them myself! to my liking. I learned this from my mother, who was a tailor. I am really a good woman and mother, can do a lot of womanly things. As well as a good student. Always have almost best grades. Why should I be disrespected? Because I put myself too low, and let bad things happen as a habit to avoid conflict! So called good girl syndrome! I hate to work hard to over come this! Coming home, panting like a dog, can not help thinking I live like a dog!take as little as can, and have to give more than all! For there,s always not much money around for me to spend at all. Whence have better income, we have house payment, we have another kid, then we have college kid, always have elders to support.other than the. Minimal foods that kept me alive, I got nothing! Even a maid will not work as much as I do, and get to have her own life in breaks, and will not have so many restrictions . So many men, once they get a little better status after they married, they think they deserve everything better. They think they might have got things they longed for before. Once forgone, forgone! If he is not good Enough for those other girls, he is still not good enough for them even he,s better now! Who does not get better , when they get older. Let alone, it,s not really better, it,s just because the woman he now gets spends far less. Other than food and living for the old, the young, everyone, nothing is left. I don,t see where the pride come from! Blaming the woman for spending too much, duh! I am rich, just the woman spend too much! Duh! Can a woman not eat, and work day and night? To sisters who also have good girl syndrome:stand up! Do not listen to words, that you,re not good enough, your body is not good enough, your behavior is not good enough, your thoughts are not good enough, your words are not good enough, all these are to suppress you, keep you under control, so you do what ever you,re taught to do, and can not say or think your own way. If you dare, yelling, picking even hitting awaiting you. Stand up and claim respect, shut the satan in box, not yourself. Satan works in the heart of every one, if not Jesus , until it,s too late. Stand up! My heart breaking, for sisters, who suffer, lot lot more than me. Many times I think I suffer, but compare to them, I am the lucky one. For I am strong in heart!i was weaker and weaker, but with The Lord, help, I am stronger and stronger. My heart is breeded by the vast land of Kansas, and it shall become broader, and tougher, like the land. Always full of life!
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 10:01:57 +0000
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