Cathy has died. She got up this morning, got ready for work and had breakfast. I drove her to work (Shes not been driving for about three years, since twice breaking her ankle, and though she could walk small distances she mostly used a wheel chair when she had to move around allot). I forgot to pick her up at 1 PM and she had to call to remind me that this, Friday, was her 1 oclock day of the week. My only excuse for forgetting was that I was off work on vacation this week and was out of sync with things (really although I am habitually late, I rarely ever forget completely to pick her up). Picking her up at around 1:45 everything seemed normal and we started the routine of deciding if we needed to stop somewhere for something before we drove home (which started with me saying something like Do you need something before we go home) we didnt, so we were set to drive the 15 miles home. Soon after we began the drive she suddenly fell ill. We were within a couple of miles of the hospital and we went to the emergency room. Cathy suspected that low blood pressure was the main problem and when they got her hooked up to monitors is was evident that her blood pressure was too low. But in time (by about 4 PM), with the administration of several tests and after she was given fluids, oxygen, etc. her numbers on the monitor improved and she appeared to be stable and somewhat relaxed. I left her to go home and get what she needed for a hospital stay (she was to be moved to the ICU of another hospital with the diagnosis of anemia). I stupidly didnt not say a proper goodby to her (this was my habit and more so because there was a problem with the floor being wet and someone was trying to mop and I now remember it seemed that her IV had disconnected and was needing to be fixed and the lady moping was going for help) with this small commotion I stepped away from the room, got her wheelchair parked outside it, and took my time in going home and getting her things (earlier I had made a list on my phones note page, with her help, and with the knowledge attained from her week-long hospital stay earlier in the month). I had not quite gathered all her things for the hospital stay when via telephone I was told she had passed (this was around 6:45 PM) Her cloths (I was waiting for a sweater and a pair of jeans to take to her) were in the still-running cloths dryer. I had gotten so used to Cathys medical dramas that I took for granted that she would live through this one also. After all she was stable and in a hospital emergency room when I last saw her. But I was wrong and it is 3 AM, I have a bag with several of her items, including a C-PAP machine, some under ware, and a hair brush, sitting nearby and I cant believe this has really happened, and what a jerk I was to her. I hated her at times for not taking better care of herself and I feared this day would come, but I cant believe that it really has (and I dont really know what killed her, was it a result of years of bad lifestyle choices, too many medications/ side-effects or some crazy medication mix up that happened just yesterday?). I do wish I had been nicer to her and I really see now it doesnt pay to be mean-spirited to try to get somebody to change. The person is probably not going to change as a result, and the one yelling is left with bad, damming, memories. I miss her, but more so I wish I had made her feel more like she would be missed. Many of you know the importance of this (I hear you saying I love you etc. often, sometimes to the point were it seems to lose its sincerity, but that is far better than being stingy with kind words). To those that find themselves bitter toward those they vowed to love, or bitter toward those with which they spend hours daily, think how you might feel if they are just gone in a moment, I mean really think about it and if you would miss them let them know it.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 07:47:56 +0000
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