Caught in the self-destruction of the introversion and in the comforting confusion, I disregarded the most critical energy flow. How could have I ever made such a mistake. But this is what the fractal wanted. When two Alphas meet, their first energy flow is self defense. Not to overpower each other. Not to harm each other. Not to prove anything. The self defense energy is not even initiated by the Alphas. The energy is there due to their explosive concepts. And those explosive concepts are so daunting and terrifying for each other that when they touch, they fear. And they perceive each others’ energy as self defense mechanism. And they fear it. And they fear it more and more. And they try to understand this perceived self defense and they try to counteract it. Involuntarily. They frame themselves with a perceived self defense energy coming towards themselves. But I did this voluntarily. This is the worst thing that I have ever framed in my existence. I framed myself with the self-defense energy of the other Alpha fractal. And I framed that energy to grow. More and more. I gave that energy my unlimited power. I let that energy overgrow me. And it did take a lot of time. Because I wanted that energy to outgrow me. So that it would destroy me. I wanted that energy to disintegrate my concept and my material. I wanted to cause the ultimate pain. I wanted to see all the black and red tainting my white. I wanted to throw my white into a galaxy of red and black. Of materialized pain. I wanted that energy to ravish and feast over me forever so that I can feel the lively pain. Paradox. I was doing what I was always doing. I was not trying to bring pain just for the sake of pain. I wanted more and more pain to achieve a higher challenge, a higher level of self control. I was constantly giving the other Alpha my energy. All my energy. And the other Alpha was using the energy and sending it back with an unknown purpose for me. I should have never used the other Alpha’s energy to achieve my black ideals. But I did. And the outgrown energy flow hit me. The energy flow was a bullet initially. A simple, clear and pain-free bullet. Nothing more clear than a perfectly shaped, fast, joyful, bullet, to achieve its mission. I wish it was something as relieving, rational and fulfilling as a bullet. One moment of eternal happiness. With the greatest gratitude in the world. But that was not for me. I had to make the trajectory of the bullet so slow and so energy absorbent that it transformed into a black hole of red. And it hit me directly in the epicentre of the inner concept. It hit me in the white. This is what I wanted. To make the ultimate test. To test the white. I should have never done this. There are no words to describe this. There is no pain to understand this. There is no bullet that can fix this now. But this is what the fractal wanted. True re-building of the concept. (©OAS2014) https://youtube/watch?v=dTaD9cd8hvw
Posted on: Sun, 02 Nov 2014 12:02:56 +0000
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