Celebrity Quotes (1 ) What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them? * Marilyn Pittman (2 ) Relationships are hard. Its like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp. * Bob Ettinger (3 ) The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. * Roseanne (4 ) I think thats how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, Gee, Im enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isnt cold enough. Lets go west. * Richard Jeni (5 ) If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. * Johnny Carson (6 ) Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. * Paul Rodriguez (7 ) My parents didnt want to move to Florida, but they are Jewish and they turned sixty, and thats the law. * Jerry Seinfeld (8 ) In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? * Warren Hutcherson (9 ) Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many: Monogamy is the same. * Oscar Wilde (10 ) Marriage is a great institution, but Im not ready for an institution yet. * Mae West (11 ) Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait. * A. Whitney Brown (12 ) You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, My God, youre right! I never wouldve thought of that! * Dave Barry (13 ) Oh, you hate your job? Why didnt you say so? Theres a support group for that. Its called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. * Drew Carey (14 ) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two Aspirin and Keep away from children. * Author unknown
Posted on: Wed, 19 Mar 2014 15:33:22 +0000
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