Chance meeting with H.E. Satire Written by Mahmud Jega I sat in the front passenger seat while Maikahon Karo drove the car. Tsinin kusa sat in the back seat. In three hours we had visited the houses of five important politicians just outside the state capital. As we drove back home, Maikaho suddenly turned the steering wheel and drove into a compound that I had never known before. It turned out to be a club owned by a foreign construction company. It has a small clubhouse, one lawn tennis court and one squash court. Some people were also playing table tennis near the club house. “What are we doing here?” I asked. Maikaho said, “Let us sit here for a while. I want you to greet some of the club members. You will also like the kebab they make here. It is made by one Turkish man.” We alighted from the car, sat at a table and ordered for kebab. Before I could take the first bite, I saw a familiar-looking man coming towards us, two agile security men hot on his heels. I grabbed my glasses to have a good look. Sure, it was His Excellency the Governor. He was greeting people as he came but he came straight towards our desk and sat down. “Kai!” he said. “It is really hot today.” We all stood up to greet him. “Alhaji,” he said, “I didn’t know that you come to this club.” “No sir,” I said. “This is my first time. It was Maikaho who brought me here. I never knew about this club.” “Ah, Maikaho!” the governor said. “He is the one who takes you everywhere! You just came back from seeing Mai Hangen Nesa at Gangare village.” I was shocked. Mai Hangen Nesa is a politician who doubles as a marabout, and his house was the last of the five we just visited. How did the governor know? We left there not quite 30 minutes ago. I began to wonder, did he know we were here or was his coming here merely coincidental? He is a gregarious fellow, this governor. Without invitation he reached for my kebab, picked up one stick and began to eat it saying “Demirel has roasted the kebab very well today, not like yesterday when it was only half roasted.” Again without invitation, he reached for the can Coke that I ordered, opened it and swiftly drank it. “Aaarh!” he said. “It is cold. Very nice on a hot day like this.” I was a little bit nervous at the governor’s presence but Maikaho was totally unfazed. He said, “Governor, you just ate my master’s kebab and drank his Coke. Do you know how much it costs? Unlike you he does not have a security vote, only his civil service pension and you just came and ate his kebab.” The governor laughed, though roar was more like it. “Maikaho,” he said, “this your master, I will eat all the kebab he orders today. Who told you he is dependent on pension? Do you the kind of money he has? All the trouble he is causing for us in the politics of this town, is it not because of the piles of money he brought from Abuja?” I had to say something at that point. “Governor,” I said, “do I have even half of the money that your boy Goshin Bauna has? If I had enough money, would you have marginalized me at the caucus meeting and forced us to adopt Goshin Bauna as ministerial nominee?” Again the governor roared. “That one is not a money matter,” he said. “You are new in the party but you are in haste. You just came in but you want to overtake those who have been there for donkey years. Goshin Bauna has served the party for many years and everyone knows him, that is why he was nominated.” Maikaho said, “It was not the people that nominated him. It was you.” “How can you say that?” the governor said. “Do you know the amount of consultation I did before I announced Goshin Bauna as our choice for minister? Were you there when I was calling important stakeholders one by one and they were telling me their preference? Maikaho, you are the one who is misleading Alhaji in this matter. You should tell him that in our party, we consider how long you have been there and the contribution you have made. How can we have order and discipline in the party if we do not reward long stay and contribution?” I saw Maikaho shifting in his chair and I could see that he was itching to say something. I only wish that he will not overstep bounds. Even though this governor is mild mannered compared to other governors, there is a limit to what you can tell a governor. But Maikaho is not called Maikahon Karo for nothing. He was virtually sitting at the edge of his chair when he said, “Ranka ya dade Gwamna, it is true my master is knew to politics in this town but I am not. I was there the day this party was formed when you yourself you were still working for the government at that time. You remember very well the day that the former governor brought you to us and said he wanted you to succeed him. Many people said these same things, that you were not a politician. I was one of the people who stood up and said it is okay, we can easily make you a politician. Therefore I am surprised that today, after you have been governor for six years, you are turning around and saying that Alhaji is new to the party and Goshin Bauna is an old party member. When did Goshin Bauna enter the party? Was it not you that brought him from the coast where he was trading in ginger and made him a commissioner?” Again His Excellency laughed, even though you could see it was a nervous laughter. He is not used to frank talk these days. Most people simply nod in agreement at whatever he says, but Maikaho and I are different. We must speak our mind whether we get this governorship or not. Why should we be afraid of anybody? God has already destined it whether I will be governor or not. His Excellency was already standing. “Alhaji,” he said, “I must go and play one round of tennis before I go for a meeting. Maikaho, see you at the swearing-in when I am handing over the Government House to Alhaji.”
Posted on: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 23:05:31 +0000
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