Chapter 12 at this point I had finally gotten a job. Back working at a convenience store. My sons dad had fought his own demons and was a very active part of their life. He had found Jesus and was in church...He kept them on weekends so I could work. My addiction had gotten so bad that I was getting high at work in the bathroom. Remember that boss I told you about? The best boss ever? I would call her in the middle of the night crying and she would talk to me for hours. And pray with me. God I loved that woman. I went back to try and get help. Again i was turned down. No insurance. What drug addict do YOU know pays for insurance? No I needed that money to get high. I had all kinds of hustles going on. One was boosting. Thousands of dollars sometimes. The one time I got caught I was stealing dry erase markers for my sons. I had bought them a board. They wanted the markers too.... Im sure their dad heard about that. I fought a lot. There are many things I wish my sons had never seen Im not sure why I never thought to ask their dad for help. I guess because I thought he hated me. And truthfully he probably did back then. One day there was a knock on my door. It was a summons to court. My sons dad had filed for custody. Apparently my sons saw a drug dealer put a gun to my head and threaten my life. I had no idea they were around. I remember thinking please just do it. I may have even said it. Lots of that part of my life is a blur. I was shocked and upset. But I didnt even try to fight him. Honestly I felt relief. My sons would finally be ok. They would be safe. This time when i went to talk to Blue Ridge would be different This time i could do whatever I had to do to get help. My sons were very upset. They didnt understand. They didnt want to go live with their dad. I made sure they understood how much I loved them. But that I was sick and I needed help to get better. I wont lie to you and tell you I went straight to Blue Ridge. No I went on a HARD binge first. I sold whatever I could find to sell. O sold my car. And then I packed two bags of stuff. Gave some to my sons dad to put in storage. And some to my mother to put in hers. ( I never got some if the stuff back from my mothers....I guess family members liked my stuff...I dont know) Lots of things I lost that I regret. Makes me sad to think of it. Anyway after I went on that binge I got my neighbor to take me and drop me off at Blue Ridge. When I walked in with my two bags of clothes I got very odd looks. Again I asked for help. Again I was told no. No insurance. But this time I was ready for her. This is what I said Ok thats fine. I understand. Tell you what Im going to do. Im gonna go home and get my old mans gun. Im gonna blow every m***** f***** away that I see....and Im gonna start with you....you have a nice day very calmly. WELL.....THAT GOT HER ATTENTION! She looked at me and she said hold on! Now wait a minute.... let me make a phone call. Wasnt long after that a sheriff came. He handcuffed and shackled me. And he apologized.... but I wasnt mad. I had gotten EXACTLY what i wanted. It was the HARDEST thing I have Ever done....walking away from my sons. But the best thing that ever happened to me at the same time. I was finally going to be able to get help without worrying about my sons. This is the beginning of my journey of cleantime. But my story is far from over. The next month is pure hell. But it gets better. Love yall ~peace and love~
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 21:49:56 +0000
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