Chapter 19 : Love Isnt Practical. I was shaking from shock, anger and loss. Just the mere thought of losing him... No, no! It felt like all my walls were closing in on me. I couldnt breath so I took in huge gulps of air and just let my tears flood down my cheeks. Me: Hayi ! You need to do something about it! Im not accepting it! I screamed between tears. I was clutching my tummy thinking what if? Dr Mahangu : Youre going to have to calm down. He knelt infront of me with both knees. Dr Mahangu: Honey look at me, look at me. He lifted my face up and it took all I had in me to look at him. Dr Mahangu: We all hurt okay? My dad was holding me tightly making it even more difficult for me to breath. Me: Daddy let go of me! Dad: Honey listen to me, listen to me. Please! I looked at him. My whole face was miserable. I cant imagine how I looked and I really didnt care. All I cared about was Okuhles life. Dad: You loved him, we loved him. You cant go on like this, youll destroy yourself a- Nobuhle was sobbing silently with her head buried on her lap when a white nurse came running in. Nurse: Dr Mahangu, Dr Mahangu ! We all turned to face her. Bewilderment and hurt written all over all our faces. Maybe even faith? Dr Mahangu wasted no time in standing up. Dr Mahangu: Yes?! Nurse: The machines just went on again! Dr Mahangu : What! He ran inside the room leaving all of us in painful suspense. My dad pulled me to my feet and literally dragged me into the room. My mind wasnt functioning. I was still choking on my tears and felt rather light headed. Okuhles dad became emotional and walked closer to the bed. Dr Mahangu: He- hes breathi - He stopped mid sentence as his words got stuck in his throat and tears rushing down his face. He dropped to his knees and I released myself from my dads grip and walked closer to the bed. Questioning myself with every step that I took closer to touching him. I was numb to anything and everything around me. The only thing I heard was the slow beeping of the machines. His face, my God his face looked horrible. My whole body was shaking as I touched his left hand. Faintly, just faintly, I felt movement. I was overwhelmed. I took huge gulps of air again and saw black... I passed out. AFTER 6 MONTHS. Okuhle had just gotten out of the ICU. I visited him each and everyday during the holidays. When school opened I visited him afterschool for an hour then went home to study since I was in matric. Yes. I passed that year so did Okuhle, he got 4 distinctions and all the varsities that he applied at accepted him. I healed bit by bit. My dad suggested I go for counselling because he said I was depressed. I got messages from people sending their condolences, I think they were the ones that made me cry. I tried my all best to concentrate on my school work. The month was June now and we just finished writing our June exams. I was home schooling. I simply refused to go to school. I was going through my pictures with Kuhle. All 1010 of them while facing the ceiling and silently sobbing when I got a call from the hospital telling me that Okuhle was awake and he demanded to see only me. My jaw dropped and I couldnt believe he was finally awake. Six months! Half a year! A tedious year it was. I wasnt living at all. Simply existing so when I got that phone call it was as if someone slapped my brain and something lit up. My heart warmed up and I rolled off my bed and wore my slippers. I was in a long flowy dress and I didnt care about how the hell I looked. I had not time to change as I was beyond excited. I grabbed my bag and ran out. Nobuhle and I were not on talking terms. I felt hatred towards them. To say living in that house was a misery would be an understatement. The only person that was there for me, the only person I allowed to be there for me was my brother and he did that and more. Nobuhle: Lisa uyaphi? I ignored her and ran out. I immediately got a cab and asked the driver to please step on it. He looked at me with an uneasy look in his eye and I told him Id pay him extra. He did just that and we arrived at the hospital 10 minutes later.I ran straight to Okuhles ward without consulting the secretary since she knew me by now. I stopped to catch my breath and swallow the huge lump in my throat. Kuhle looked my direction and he got teary. I let the tear escape as well and slowly walked towards him still trying to unscramble the complicated pattern in my brain. I smiled past the tears and took a huge breath. Me: Hey... I said slowly. Okuhle: Lis. Thats, tha- His voice sounded hoarse and rough. Tears of joy and, happiness and thankfulness streamed down my face. I prayed, yes, I prayed. Six months earlier I prayed that God save the love of my life. There were times when I lost my faith. I didnt hate God, I just felt he wasnt fair. I had this deep hole in My heart that needed to be filled. Six months ago,I gave my heart to the Lord. Again. Me: Yes. I got to him and held his hand up to my tummy. They were warm. I missed their feel and this moment was utterly priceless. Okuhle: He, he- Me: What if its a she? Okuhle: The pills babe! You never drank them? Me: No, I couldnt. Okuhle you died, then woke up. I didnt know what to do. I threw them away. Enough about me, how you? Okuhle: Lis we have a child? A child baby! Why did you do it? Me: How are you Okuhle? Okuhle: Lis noo? What if I died, were you going to raise the child without m- Me: I didnt want to lose you okay? I wanted something to hold on too. I wanted my dad to suffer, our whole family to suffer I knew they were going to be disappointed. I mean how crazy is it my father has a child with your mom, and I have a child with my step moms son Okuhle: Shell never be my mom Lisakhanya. Shes not my mom. I sat down. Me: Baby how are you? Okuhle: Im fine Lis. I hit him. Me: Why try to kill yourself? Okuhle: I wasnt thinking, it just happened. Me: Did you see the light? Okuhle: What light? I laughed. Me: The light in heaven. Okuhle: You know I aint about that life. Im being discharged next week. How is school? Me: Home schooling. I covered my face. Okuhle: So no one knows but the family? Me: Yep. Okuhle: Not even Thandi? I looked at him. He laughed. Okuhle: Just kidding. Babe we parents. Me: Mhhh. And uyahlupha lomntu marn. Tjo. I shifted in my seat and sighed. He smiled admiringly at me. Okuhle: Youll be fine. We parents. He kept covering his face. I laughed at him and tears steamed down my face. Okuhle: I cant believe you broke your reputation by choosing to become and teen mother for my child. I cant be- Me: Okuhle please! In October after our trial exams. I was in labour. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He looked like his father and he always rubbed it in my face :) Our whole family was there to support both me and Okuhle. Okuhles dad said we should name him. Lunathi meaning Lunathi ubabalo lenkosi my dad said we should name him Juoel Meaning salvation so he was Lunathi Juole Mahangu ♡. Okuhles parents wanted me to move in with them but dad refused. In January, Kuhle and I attended the same varsity. Eveyone was happy for us drilling me with questuons like why I hid the pregnancy and ish. Honestly, after the drama and pain that was around me. People would make that even worse by asking me useless questions. Which was none of their business. I wont lie, being a parent was no childs play. Everytime when the baby got sick Kuhle and I would get really worried. Sasingabazali nyani. And our love grew stronger. We were together through thick and thin. ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ Its finally happening I thought to myself. I tried pinching myself from time to time and yes, it was real. Kuhle and I were facing each other, standing in front of the altar and holding hands. I had just said my vows and it was now his turn. I got emotional before he even began and he squeezed both my hands reassuringly. Kuhle: Wow... Uh, Ive always imagined this day. Ive written and rewritten these vows I cant imagine ever forgetting them. He cleared his throat. I could tell he was nervous and so was I! Kuhle: I fell in love with our love when I realised it wasnt love at first sight . It was at first laugh, at first act of kindness, it was at first friendship, at first act of belong. Our love was at first honesty, at first would you like to share my packets of sweets? Our love was first wiping of tears , at first understanding of who I was. Our love was when you took the time to see in me things I never imagined I possessed within myself. Our love was at first I care about you and later at first I love you only this phrase carried within it truth and experience . It carried understanding as well as willingness to continue. Our love was at first caressing of the heart moving towards the rest of my life and thats what I love about it most. It is real , unlike the first and last glance you give in passing , only to move on with your life. [Anonymous] I love you Mrs Mahangu, mother of my first born son. Bambo lwam. If this isnt true love, then I dont know what is. I never did forget those words :( Our wedding was nothing fancy, but it was the best moment of my life. Okuhles parents had to pay for the damages and he still wants nothing to do with Nobuhle. We had our own cosy apartment close to school. Our parents each paid half in rent and we both had our futures in front of us. Our baby boy was growing. He was becoming stronger and each passing day looked more like his father. No, Im not lucky. Im blessed ♡ Our faith in God was slowly but surely strengthening and so was our love. If theres one thing I learnt from this its that love isnt practical. It isnt easy. It isnt meant to be on command. It doesnt let you fall for whomever youd like. It surfaces neither at the most opportune moment nor in the most convenient. Itll pair you with someone you might never have expected. Itll put you face to face with endless obstacles. But in the end, none of that will matter because its how you overcome its obstacles that will define your love. It may not be practical, but love is ultimately the best thing that will ever happen to you. The End.
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 22:14:30 +0000
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