Chapter 48 Death be not proud. Just when you least expect it, when you have so many plans, goals and dreams it snatches them, it takes just one person you look up to and thinking about it now I really wished had been different. I had no emotion or any whatsoever, was I that insensitive? Or naive? No I was just a child, did not know no understand the meaning of death. Worse this person has been out of sight for far too long, Im only a child and my mind is even worse its just as an infants mind. It took me time to realize that this person was actually dear to me and even when I did I still had no emotion. At times I wanted to cry but I couldnt my tears failed me. My guardians failed me. Each knew where each was but they didnt fight hard enough for my needs. Being in my situation was really frustrating and complicated. I cried for no one, didnt I love them? Why do we even cry when someone has passed on? Is it a rule or rather part of our culture? Im not poking anyone out but some even faint, scream and do all kinds of crying actions. Mmmmm they must have been deeply hurt and truly loved that soul however here I was, just lost my Daddy yet had no emotions. Yes it made sense now, that mysterious man I spoke with on the phone for the past year and half of this year too was my Loving caring Daddy, my Zion Pastor Daddy :-o The last time I saw him was when I was still disabled, yes when I left I showed signs of healing, I walked and stood a bit but fact remains I was still weak, I still needed support. I left without even saying goodbye, remember we ran away? Yeah that was it... Days and months went on, School proceeded and even ended, I had not gone to the funeral no have I heard anything else apart from that phone call that informed that my Daddy had left this world. What about his family? Have they all forgotten about me? His son, my brother? I guessed so because really it didnt make sense why I was kept in the dark but being the child that I am I continued with my life as though nothing happened hence I mentioned that he was a loving, caring Daddy but then I didnt know it I just realized now as in this current year 2014 while back then in 2006 I took it lightly and I still didnt know who really passed on, yes Ive noticed that the mysterious man had stopped calling yet still I didnt dwell much on it. According to his death certificate he died in May 2006... The year finally concluded and yet again the festive fever was ravishing for me all forgotten- the truck accident and my mysterious man passing. Through all the sorrows of this year I had come to terms with just ignoring the facts or truth of the matter and just pretend to be happy. Id be happy even when not all is going well especially with the endless hospital trips. At some time they made me a wrist supporter, they specially and specifically designed and created just for me, on my hands. They were made of plastics which was melted and molded into my hands shape and size. I was to wear this whenever my hands were painful, even during school hours and this attracted alot of people again Prince was hurt and thought of the worst. He thought that wrist supporter which they actually called it splints was permanent as in I couldnt remove it. He was really depressed by my wrists splints, according to his thinking capacity he thought I wasnt able to do alot of things, since those splints dont allow you to bend your hands instead they make them stiff. Whenever my hands are painful I just need them to be straight and not move because any movement hurts even more, the splints really helped. My holidays were good nonetheless, I was happy. However got even happier when school re-opened. Yes I love school that much or was it friends? :-/ Grade seven was dope although we would be beaten every now and then whenever we get wrong on all our school work tests, exams and assignments included. I was in the B class for once in my whole life and Prince was still in the A class. My group of friends increased every year I guess everyone just wanted to help where they can or just be with the talkative Thando ;-) I always had stories to tell I guess people loved them. I was active in any oral activities including debating, recycling a poem, acting since I was part of the soulbuddies, deliver a speech and sang in a school choir. I had understood that Im not so fit for physical activities therefore I left netball however I couldnt drop out on drum majoring :-D I just loved it. The sound of the drums, cheerleading, the music, the marching and the different styles performed just brought joy to my heart. All these activities just made you open minded, kept me healthy and in a mental good state too. I started all these sports in grade five however was not so active in drum majoring due to my illness. I went on every trip even when I had no money because I was just good in my oral performances. Before the year ended we went to Caroline to compete with a school there in all our sports excluding singing-choir since they didnt have a choir to compete with us and I obviously indulge in debate, poetry and unprepared speeches. My girlfriends played netball however I had a few of girlfriends simply because of the girls drama at some point I was bullied by Pearl and other girls, I was the easy target since I couldnt really stand my ground, people just got away with things whenever they shielded with me. They lied to teachers and said it was me, got beaten for things I didnt do, cried every time I went home because even my launchbox was taken from me. I had no self esteem they just made me to doubt myself, at some point one girl got jealous of how Prince is treating me and so she threatened me to stay away, Prince would in most cases save me from all the bullies and set the record straight with all the secret admirers that he doesnt want them nor dream of wanting them, he only wants me and they to deal with their emotions anyways my boyfriends played soccer and so we all went to Caroline. It was a combine school, it was big and well built they even had a hall which we didnt have. It was huge, the stage, the whole setting was just overwhelming. Ive been to different schools competing but this school? Just it on its on terrified me and the hall didnt make things any better :-/ We went to the bathroom which was still part of the hall, they had flushing toilets, big mirrors and basins. This was all new to me, we had long drop toilets no mirrors or basin, you just do your business and go back to class on your way there youll get a pipe with running water as they water the grass during our learning periods and only then can you wash your hands but hey sometimes you even go without washing- thats just us not have manners. In that bathroom a lady entered holding papers which was the agenda and our seating arrangement since we were to be seated on the stage and that didnt sit well with me, I started getting nervous, I was shaking even. But I was confused when someone from that school was even worse than me, I mean I had alot to take in, the bathroom, hall, stage while she was used to this in actual fact shes always here but here she was telling us about stage fright and all and how nervous she is about performing. Call me selfish or whatever but my schoolmates had alot to take in and Im not being insensitive I just feel we are overpowered by all this... We went to sit according to the list in our hands. So the program began, The principal welcomed us and the judges were called out and sat right next to the steps that lead to the stage. Two teachers from my school and two from theirs. All the nerve were up in my brain, right there I forgot my poem I was in deep thoughts didnt even hear what the other speakers said, there was one speaker not from our school recycling her poem, my thoughts were interrupted when the crowd went AAHH!!! I looked at the crowd and they had surprised rather shocked faces I was confused and so I turned to look at where their eyes led just they two teachers rushed on stage and went to the girl who just fainted while recycling her poem just in that commotion my name was called out next Shocked How can I continue from that? DIARY KA THANDOLUHLE
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 08:01:53 +0000
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