Chapter sixty nine Ndiye ndavuka ekuseni...ndivuke ndingesalelanga phezuko Zolani...I wonder ndohlika xa kutheni? Anyway I had slept better then expected shame. Ndiye ndajonga umntuwam ndancuma...ebesalele...noImi ebesalele. Ndohlika ebhedini ndanxiba igown nezilipasi zam ndaya ebathroom...ndacama...ndaxhukuxha...ndahlamba ubuso ndaya ekitshini ndayoqalisa ukupheka ibreakfast. Kuye kwangena uTata ndisenza ibreakfast. Tata:Molo Lele. Me:Molo. Tata:Uleli njani? Watsho egalela amanzi eketileni. Me:Kakuhle noko. Tata:Oh hayi kubhetele ke. Sathula. Me:Wena uleli njani? Tata:Hayi ndileli ryt Lele akhonto. Ndathula. Ndaguqula iburgers epanini. Me:Ubumfownele uMama? Uthi ufike njani kokwabo? Ndatsho esidaleni. Tata:Ewe ndiye ndamfownela qa khange ayibambe icall yam. Me:Oh okay. Tata:Kodwa ndiye ndafownela udade wakhe wandixelela ukuba ufikile kakuhle. Me:Oh okay. Sathula...Ucinga uzophinda abuye? Wanyusa amagxa akhe. Tata:Andazi Lele. Ndathula. Ndiye ndaqubekeka ndenza ibreakfast...uTata wazenzela iti waye eliving room. Ndive umntu egoqoza ebathroom...inoba ibingu Zolani...that means uvukile...ndancuma kancinci. Wangena ekitshini enxibe ibhrukhwe nesikipa ne push zakhe. Zolani:Morning. Me:Morning. Wandiphuza emlonyeni. Zolani:Akusanuki kamnandi Nkosi yam...yho hayi hayi hayi. Ndahleka. Me:Awubawi. You have to eat cereal first. Zolani:Zikhona iweetbix? Me:Ewe jonga kula khabhathi baby. Ndayikhombha. Zolani:Le? Watsho eyivula. Me:Yep. Zolani:Okay nazi ndizibonile. Wazikhupha neswekile. Me:Ubisi lise frijini ke. Zolani:Sho. Ndicela isitya Riri. Ndamkhuphela ndamnika...Khawume kuqala ndobulisa uTata...use living room mos? Me:Ewe. Waphuma ekitshini. Ndabeva bethetha noTata...waphinda wabuya wandinxibisa umqwazi we gown yam...Hayi maarn iyandisitha lento. Wahleka. Zolani:Unentloko encinci nawe. Me:Kakade. Ubufune ndibene ntloko ingathi yi botwe wena. Wahleka. Zolani:Yhuu ha.a kaloku yingozi leyo Riri. Ndahleka...wamsusa umqwazi we gown entlokweni yam. Uye wazenzela iweetbix...Ufuna ndikuhlalise shame? Me:Ha.a uyandiphazamisa wena iya eliving room kuTata. Zolani:Heee. Me:Hamba. Zolani:Heee. Me:Hamba maarn. Zolani:Heee. Me:Uqalile ke. Wahleka. Zolani:I love you. Me:I hate you. Zolani:Haaaa how can you be so heartless? He said dramatically holding his chest. Ndahleka. Me:Khawuhambe maarn Zolani. Zolani:Okay ke xa undigxotha ndizohamba. Me:Hamba. Zolani:Okay ndiyahamba. Me:Umele ntoni kengoku? Wancuma...Uncuma nobani? Zolani:Ndiyakuthanda kodwa Mamngwevu. Ndancuma...wandiphuza esidleleni kaninzi ndahleka. Me:Okay okay go go. Ndatsho ndimpusha. Wahleka ephuma ekitshini. Ndiye ndenzela uTata icornflakes ndayomnika. Ndabaphakela ndayobeka izitya zabo phezukwe tafile eliving room. Tata:Awuzutya wena Lele? Me:Ha.a. Tata:Khange utye nayizolo ebusuku Lele...ndicela utye mntanam. Me:Andilambanga Tata. uZolani ebemane endijonga ngoku atyayo. Wathula uTata. Ndiye ndabagalelela ijuice ndabeka iglass zabo phezukwe tafile ndaya erumini yam ndafika uImi evukile...Uvukile umntana ka Mama bethuna. Wancuma ezolula...Ukhona uTa-. Ndithe ndingeka gqibi ukuthetha watsiba esohlika ebhedini ekhwaza uTatakhe...uye waphuma ebaleka ukuya eliving room. Ndive uZolani emteketisa...I think he was also tickling him ngoba ebengesahleki uImi mntakabawo. Ndiye ndondlula ibhedi...I must say it was weird not having Nonceba around the house. Ukugqiba kwam ukondlula ndiye ndahlala kwi study corner yam ndakhupha ifoto ka Cinga kwi diary yam and I just stared at the picture for a long time until I felt tears running down my cheeks. This was too much to take in...and it was also painful to take in...I mean now that I know the truth everything makes sense...the way Nonceba treated me...she was doing all she was doing because of my mother...because of jealousy. She forced me to marry Siyabonga because thats what was done to her...her parents forced to marry my father so she wanted me to fill her pain. Ndikhumbula ndixelela uNonceba ukuba ndikhulelwe...wathi inye into endingayenza ukulungisa elinyala ndilenzile and that is by marrying Siyabonga. Ndikhumbula uTata engafuni ekuqaleni kodwa ndambona naye eyivuma yonke lonto ekugqibeleni...Im sure Nonceba convinced him it was the right thing to do. Ndikhumbula ngoku ndise Kapa nditshatile noSiyabonga...uSiyabonga endiphethe kakubi...ndingonwabanga nyani and I would call Nonceba athi mandinyamezele ngamanye amaxesha angaphenduli kwa ezo calls zam. Shes the one who made me think my father hated me for falling pregnant...athi uTatakho uqumbile uyinyama akafuni nokuthetha nawe. Nam ke ndamkholelwa thats why I never called my father and iwesi xa naye engandifowneli ndaqonduba uNonceba unyanisile mos...ndisithi uTatam uzihlambile ezakhe izandla ngam kanti akukho kwalonto. But surprisingly I dont hate Nonceba...I cant. Andimqumbelanga nomqumbela...andazi nam ngoba...I think its because she raised me...or because I love her or maybe because I feel sorry for her...I mean I dont know what I would do if I found out I cant have children...I would really go crazy...I mean being able to have children its what makes us women because we are unique like that...it what differentiates us from men. So I could imagine what she must be going through...having to raise another womans child...phofu a woman who was loved deeply by my father...her husband...it must be painful. Kodwa ke blaming me for her pain is what I dont understand shame...zange ndimenze nto mna. Anyway iinyembezi beziphalala ngoku...ndabeka ifoto ka Mamam esifubeni sam...bendifixiza nokufixiza. Ndive ngesandla sindibamba egxalebeni ndajika intloko yam ndijonga ukuba ngubani...ibingu Tata...ndasula iinyembezi zam. Tata:Ndicela undixolele mntanam. Ndajika ngesitulo ndamjonga...Ndakucela Lele. Me:Ndiyafuna Tata ukukuxolela nyani kodwa kunzima...Im still processing the whole thing. Tata:Xa ucinga uzothatha ixesha elingakanani ukuba undixolele? Ndanyusa amagxa am. Me:Andiyazi. Tata:Kodwa uzawde undixolele mos? Ndanqwala...Im really sorry Lele. Me:I know you are Tata. Tata:Ndiyakhathazeka nyani xa ndikubona unje and kungenxayam. Ndathula...ndasusa ifoto ka Mama esifubeni sam. Me:I just wish I couldve met her you know. Tata:Ndiyayazi mntanam. Naye ndiqinisekile wayefuna ngokufanayo. Wahlala phezukwe bhedi. Me:Tata uyamthanda uMama? Tata:Soze ndiyeke ukumthanda uMamakho Lele. Me:Ndithetha ngoNonceba. Tata:Oh...ewe ndiyamthanda uMamakho Azo. Me:Then kutheni ungamnqandanga ngoku ahambayo? He breathed. Tata:Ebefuna ukuhamba nje Lele...bekufamba nditheni? Ndimnqande? Me:Ewe Tata. Tata:Yhuu hayi Azo...uMamakho akaqali ukuyenza lento. Me:Akaqali? Tata:Ewe. Soloko xa sixabana uyapakisha ahambe. Me:Andikhumbuli uMama ehamba nhe mna. Tata:Ngoku ndandiyokuthatha eWindmil usuka eKapa ubaleka uSiyabonga wafika engekho andithi? Oh kanene. Me:Ewe. Tata:And a couple of time ngoku ubuse Kapa utshatile nangoku wawumncinci...andiqondi usakhumbula kodwa uMamakho kudala wabalekela kokwabo ndimcenga ukuba angahambi kodwa ahambe...ngoku ndidiniwe ukucenga umntu ongacengekiyo mma. Me:Nanixabana ngam? Wathula...Tata? He exhaled. Tata:Sasixabana ngezinto ezininzi Lele...sixabana ngawe noCinga eskakhulu. Ndathula...Lele emvakokuba uCinga eswelekile I really took it bad mntanam and nam ndiyazityhola ngalendlela uMamakho aziva ngayo kodwa ke ndaye ndayeka ukucinga ngoCinga nda focusa kuye ndamthanda...zange nakanye ndathetha ngo Cinga kodwa yena soloko ukuba siyaxabana uzovusa uCinga kulengxabano yethu...athi kakade andimthandi ndithanda uCinga. Akhalaze ukuba ndikuthanda kakhulu ngaphezukwakhe...andazi noba ebefuna ndithini...I mean uligazi lam Lele ndizothini ungakuthandi kakhulu...ungumntanam...I wanted to protect you...do everything for you so you wouldnt feel the void. Me:Fownela uMama umcele ukuba abuye nizolungisa izinto. Tata:Yhu andizokwazi Lele mntanam. Khange ndimgxothe mna...uzihambele lamntu. And ndidiniwe mna Lele...ndidinwe nyani mntanam. Sibadala sibangaka...why are we going to go back and forth ingathi singabantwana? Ha.a andizukwazi. Ndathula...Your mother pushed me away Lele. The more I tried to love her the more she pushed me away...she blamed me for her not being able to have children...she was angry at me for impregnating another woman but not her. Ngoku uyazama ukuzinyanzela kum kodwa shame ufika kumntu oselediniwe...ewe ndiyamthanda kodwa ndidiniwe Lele. Me:Awufuni abuye kengoku? Wathula wajonga kude. Tata:Andiyazi Lele. Watsho esidaleni...Andiyazi nyani. Bendingayazi ukuba ndithini. Me:Tata ufuna ukuba wedwa? Tata:Nangoku uMamakho bekufana ingathi bendindedwa nje Lele. Ndathula...Sukhathazeka ngam Lele ndizobaryt mna. Waphakama...Ndithembise qa wena ukuba uzobaryt ngayoyonke lento. Me:Ndizobaryt Tata. Wancuma. Tata:Okay ke mntanam. Mandibuyele waba base sitting room. Me:Okay Tata. Waphuma erumini. Ndiye ndahlala esidala erumini ndicinga lento isandokuthethwa ngu Tata. Ndiye ndafaka ifoto ka Cinga ngaphakathi kwi diary yam. Ndaya ekitshini ndenzela uImi iweetbix...ndafika eliving room ehleli phezuko Zolani...Izotya ke boy. Imi:Ha.a tyisa ngu Tata mna. Me:Heee. Wahleka uZolani...Ina ke tyisa unyana wakho ndisayohlamba mna. Ndamnika isitya. Zolani:Masitye ke boy. Ndaya ebathroom ndayohlamba.... Besise airport ngoku kwa Avis sonke...uZolani ebefuna uku hirisha imoto. He finally got the car that he wanted...mna noImi sakhwela kuye...ebefuna ukusikhupha...uTata naye ebesiya kwindawu zakhe...ebesithi zikhona izinto ekufuneka azenzile... Me:So siyaphi ke Mr? Zolani:Nifuna ukuyaphi nina? Imi:Tata funi ice cream mna. Zolani:Okay ke mntanam...uTata uzakuthengela va? Imi:Okaay! He shouted sahleka noZolani. Me:So wa hirisha imoto uzogoduka nini bhut? Zolani:Nifuna ndigoduke nini nina? Me:Goduka ngomso tshini uhleleli ntoni apha. Zolani:Heee. Ndahleka...So awundifuni apha? Me:Tuu bhut. Zolani:Uyandifuna ke yena uIminathi...anhe Imi boy? Imi:Ewe Tatam. Zolani:Yabo? Ndahleka. Me:Mxm. Zolani:Nywee. Wandinyonyozela. Me:Ndilisike elolwimi. He quickly put his tongue inside his mouth. Ndahleka. Zolani:You mean. Me:Ndiryt. Zolani:So where to? Me:Vincent baby. Zolani:Shap. Ukhona uSteers pha? Me:Ewe. Zolani:Good ndifuna utye. Me:Zolani. I whined. Zolani:Hayi sundiqhela mna uzotya Azosule tshini yintoni ngoku. Andothuka. Zange wandibiza ngegama lam. Me:Wow. Zolani:Yintoni? Me:Zange wandibiza ngegama. Wahleka. Zolani:I know...it was weird to me too...but I wanted to scare you Riri. Me:Mmm well it worked. Wahleka...Mxm. Wahleka...Uyadika. Zolani:Ndiryt. Siye safika eVincent saya kwa Steers...we ordered...our order arrived...satya...uZolani noImi bebesitya i-ice cream mna bendisitya imeal...uZolani uye wathi andizoyifumana i-ice cream ukuba andikugqibanga ukutya kwam...akangcole๐ข. Anyway I ate my food finished and I got ice cream๐...lol. We decided to go eCasino besifuna uImi adlale iganes. Sayokhwela emotweni saya khona. Safika phayana sathenga itokens sacendisa uImi adlale...zade zaphela itokens sahamba sayokhwela emotweni saya elwandle. uImi ebesozela ebackseat...wade walala shame umntanam. Sahlala emotweni noZolani sibukele ulwandle singathethi...mna bendicinga izinto zam...phofu about my life. Zolani:So Riri kwenzeka ntoni sthandwa sam? I breathed. Me:My life is a mess Zolani. Ndatsho esidaleni. Zolani:Tell me about this mess. Ndakje ndathula isidala then I told him everything not leaving anything out...the entire time bendijonge ulwandle...zimanu kuhla iinyembezi. After I told him there was silence in the car...Yho! He finally said. Me:Yep. Zolani:Im sorry mntuwam. Ndamjonga...wandisula iinyembezi...I can imagine how you must be feeling. Me:Intliziyo ibuhlungu Zolani...and Im confused...Im angry. Zolani:Thats normal Riri wam. Me:They shouldve told me long time ago. Zolani:Ndivumelana nawe Riri kodwa put yourself in their shoes...this was hard on them too. Me:But I had the right to know Zolani! After so many years ingona bandixelelayo? Phofu bebengazundixelela ukuba khange ndimve uDabawo Nomakwethu. Zolani:Uyandicaphukisa kelowo. How can she mock your mother about her not being able to have children...I mean thats the most painful thing for a woman iwesi aphinde abengu mfazi yena kuqala uDabawo wakho...shes just plain cruel shame...tshini. Me:I feel sorry for her. Yazi now it all makes sense why she has been treating me the way she has... Zolani:Yeah kodwa naye eberongo...you did nothing to her Riri. She should had used this opportunity to be the best mother to you since she cant have children...I mean God blessed her with you but she never saw that. Me:Ndayazi. I sniffed. Zolani:Cinga sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Me:Yes sounds like it. I wish I couldve met her. Zolani:Im sure naye wayefuna kanjalo. Me:I wonder what went wrong? Did I cause her death? Zolani:Hayi Riri...you did nothing. Me:But why couldnt she breathe? Zolani:Andazi Riri kodwa it wasnt your fault. I exahaled...Jonga mfazi wam zikhona izinto ezenzekayo ebomini ongazukwazi ukuzicaza ukuba kutheni zenzekile...its just life. It was her time qa... Me:But thats just unfair. Zolani:Life is unfair mntuwam. Ndathula...Unaye ifoto yakhe? Ndanqwala...Kungcono. Me:Shes so beautiful...ndifana naye. Wancuma. Zolani:And you are beautiful so I believe you. Ndahleka kancinci...Come here. He pulled me into his arms...Uzobaryt Azola ndikhona mna...I will help you through this. Okay? Ndanqwala ngokukhawuleza. Me:I love you so much. Zolani:Ndikuthanda mna kuqala...into engena ending. He was brushing my back...Just forgive them Azola so that you can move on with your life. Me:Im trying. Zolani:Try harder. Me:Okay. Sayekana...wandiphuza emlonyeni nasempulweni. Zolani:Give your old man a break Riri. Me:I will. Zolani:noNonceba ke...mxolelele. Me:I will. Zolani:Good. Me:Uhambile. Zolani:uNonceba? Ndanqwala...I know itaima lindixelele. Me:Oh. He doesnt know if he wants her back na...uthi udiniwe. Zolani:Yho thats bad. Me:Uthetha ukuthini ukuba udiniwe? Zolani:Yho Riri. Me:Please tell me. Does it mean he doesnt want her back? Wanqwala...Yho! Zolani:Yep. Me:Yho! Zolani:Mfownele uthethe naye. Me:uNonceba? Wanqwala...Ndizothini kuye? Zolani:Ithi makathethe noTatakho balungise izinto before it gets worse. Me:Yhu Zolani. Zolani:Its the only way Riri. Me:Okay ke. Khawume ndibethwe ngumoya. Ndaphuma emotweni...I walked on the pavement slowly...bendingayazi noba ndiyaphi...the air was brushing against face coldly. Maybe Zolani is right. Ndiye ndahlala kwezinye izitulo and I dialed Noncebas number. It for a while then she picked up... Mama:Hello ngubani lo? Andahlabeka. She deleted my number? Hee. Me:Hello Mama ndim uAzo., Mama:Ufuna ntoni kum mntanandini? Me:Mama ndicela nilungise izinto noTata. Mama:Xa ungenaphi wena kwizinto ezenzekayo phakathi kwam noTatakho? Hayi khawuyekane nam maarn. Nguwe naesasifebe soMamakho aba bandimoshela izinto...ndiyanicaphukela uyeva? Ndiyanicaphukela. Rhaa sies ezinto. Jonga ungaphindi undifownele mna akhonto isidibanisayo mna nawe...andithi uyamazi uMamakho ngoku? Then ufuna ntoni kum? Futsek! Hambo funa uMamakho engcwabeni uyekane nam..........
Posted on: Sun, 07 Dec 2014 16:16:41 +0000
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