Chris Hanna’s diet tips. #1. If it’s beige eat it. Unless it’s cake or taffy or ice cream or beige food-colored junkfood or dough. If it’s beige and it’s brown rice and chicken and nothing else, eat it. #2. Stay away from food that you haven’t seen on an msn click through superfood list in the last 48 hours. Msn click through lists are all-knowing and if it’s not on the list it’s not super. #3. Tell everyone the thing they are about to eat causes cancer and diabetes and acne. #4. Cook a giant fatty sugary meal and force feed it down your nearest love one’s gullet until they are crying. Cry with them. #5 Let everyone know how hard your life is all the time. Ask them how their life is going, cut them off with how much harder your life is. Stare at their eyes silently after you say it…Get closer every time you cut them off. #6. Eat the heart of a goose. #7. Go vegan between all meals. #8. Scream at the sugar jar in the wee hours of the morning. Then get on your knees and say, “I am Daniel Plainview, I abandoned my health, I abandoned vegetables, I’ve abandoned my diet!” #9 Spend a day at the supermarket in the candy aisle and say “Really?” “and, “Great choice, senor healthypants” as judgmentally as possible to anyone that grabs candy. #10. Watch doctor Oz religiously and buy everything he tells you to. This way, you won’t have money to buy junk food. After you have achieved your goals all the problems of life will be resolved. All of them.
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 16:53:17 +0000
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