Christmas is apparently a ploy to convert people en Masse (pun somewhat intended) to Christianity. Gee,ISMA, you found out. OMG...our scams been exposed. Yes folk, weve been doing it for years now. Underneath that pouchy tummy, Santa Claus keeps a hidden portable baptism kit to convert you. In fact, in Santa School (a top secret seminary near a meat packing facility), they are trained to do it in under 22 seconds, or they wont earn the black belts). You wont even feel the 2 liters of water hit your face.Santa is also trained to chant a 174 word prayer that erases your idea of God and replaces it with two naked dudes, one old, one young, trying to touch fingers in the clouds. To the untrained ear, all youll hear is Ho Ho Ho. Before wrapping your presents, Christians generally stand in a circle and pray over your presents. Thats why, in some Hollywood movies, there is a magical golden glow that appears when white people open theirs. In Malaysia you cant see that glow because of our tropical weather.In some denominations, like the Roman Catholics, we also insert Hail Mary ribbons to tie your gifts in. Turkeys are actually really fat pigeon doves with leg deformities. If you look at Christian art, theres usually a pigeon on top of Jesus (its a magical pigeon that never poops). Thats actually a holy turkey. We roast that for Christmas as a ritual sacrifice to the ultimate Turkey (known to some as Ottoman Turks) and eating the meat, apart from causing elevated blood sugar,high blood pressure, cholesterol and every other illnesses associated with eating a frozen block of meat flown 5000 miles away from you and killed 120 days ago, also apparently turns your regular blood to Christian blood. Consume enough turkeys, and you will be able to walk on water like that dude from Passion of the Christ. Thats why,THE ONLY WAY to counter this (and the Pope will totally turkey me for exposing this) is to celebrate all Malaysian festivals. So youll only be Christian from December 25 to January. Then youll be Buddhist/Taoist, then Muslim, then Sikh, then Dayak,then Hindu, then Muslim again....at least until....next December..... Until we Christians gleefully rub our buttery hands together.... and execute our 2,000 year old dastardly plan of spreading Jesus using custard and fruitcake again.Speaking of fruitcake...
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 08:21:44 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015