Claudia is coming home tomorrow, for her last night here on Earth. Of course, she has already had that, she died at home and despite the traumatic aftermath of her death, which I have shared with a only a handful of people, Claudias death certificate now states that she died at home, here in Market Rasen. Tomorrow night she will sleep at home, surrounded by us, those who love her the most, surrounded by candles, light and love. She (despite advice) is in a solid oak coffin, I wanted and needed the very best for her, it is silk lined and beautiful, just very much like Claudia. I will not pretend to anyone, Claudias death is destroying me. It is destroying both me and Dave but we both feel the need to have her here, at home. Many children have asked ours at school today, are we burning her or sticking her in the ground. In answer to the unspoken question, we are unusual, in the sense, that most children are buried however we have decided to cremate her body. The reasons being, we dont have to wait for her to rot, for the Earth to claim her back to dust, we dont have to leave her and we can, pretty much, bring her home again, straight away. We are avoiding the whole decomposition thing.......I will not sit and think that I am burning my child on Bonfire night....this isnt the case, I am allowing my daughter her peace despite it being the very last thing that I ever wanted, for her to die I mean. My will states that upon my death, I shall be burnt too and that our ashes mixed, our bodies reunited and then and only then, we shall be disposed of. Dave has joined the queue too and now all three of us will be burnt, reunited and ultimately laid to rest forever. I know we are facing something that most people never think of but please remember that before diagnosis, we wasnt an oncology family either, we were normal, we never thought this would happen. My heart breaks knowing it will be someone else tomorrow, statistically, someone else in our school within a year :-(
Posted on: Mon, 03 Nov 2014 19:12:50 +0000
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