Cody ate crap, how was your day?....Its a long story. Cody was on his Elmo potty doing his business, taking foreevvveerr as I have to stand in the hallway with my back to him while trying not to peek because he screams like a madman and gets off the potty if he catches me watching. Im silently wishing him to hurry the hell up so we can get out of this house as I refold the same towel 15 times to look like Im busy doing something, while I try not to look at Cody and trigger a tantrum. He is sitting there eating his gummy bear- his treat for going on the potty, a gummy bear which is slimy, slippery, and hard-as-a-rock stale because I shoved the bag of them in the linen closet next to the bathroom and we all know what happens to gummy bears in an unsealed bag- not so gummy (yes, Im aware it is a horrid choking hazard, but the OD on gummy vitamins I offered the day before as treat are the reason Codys bathroom break is taking so long). The bear is so slimy and thick with baby saliva it keeps slipping out of his mouth and I mentally pat myself on the back for giving him a white bear so there isnt green drool all over his shirt. Well done, Me! As I irrationally fold the towel for Codys benefit a sixteenth time (dont want to trigger a tantrum!) I hear him say Ma ma. Contrary to popular belief, Cody DOES speak, albiet very little. My heart stalled, it wasnt that he called out to me that worried me, it was that it came out in the same way he calls me when he is hopelessly sick, or terribly overtired. A pathetic, pleading Ma maaaa. I spun around and the images flooded my mind, wet sticky fingers, drool everywhere, his face a look of disgust- which I didnt know a 1 year old was capable of, Cody trying desperately to spit something out of his mouth....OH.LORD.NO.NO.Nonononononnonononono and sure enough in the little potty was the slippery gummy bear, apparently upon trying to retrive it Cody picked up something else. My mind processed things like do I have to touch him? Yes, I do, Who do I call? Poison Control? The Doctor? DO I REALLY have to touch him??!! At which very moment the cell phone in my limp hand rings, my mother...of course! Whose ever helpful suggestion at my moment of weakness is Maybe feed him some lemons or something to clean his mouth Thanks mom, got to run, have my hands a bit full at the moment...click. Yes, Im sure my 18 month old will be VERY amenable to eating a bowl of lemons after the previous assault on his senses. And so I decided to wash him up, tell myself it never happened and forget about it. But somehow I can not get the image out of my head of that little gummy bear in the potty- forever giving new meaning to the term chocolate covered gummy bear. So to all of you moms who posted today about your kids supposedly eating up your home cooked dinner of Free Range Chicken, Organic Kale Smoothies, and wheat-grass shooters good for you. Cody ate crap. #stopfakingitforfacebook #momofthedayaward
Posted on: Sat, 29 Mar 2014 17:14:47 +0000
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