Codys tips for preventing Ebola: 1. Never be alone. Ebola often sneaks up on its victims when theres nobody looking, so always surround yourself with people. 2. On the other hand, Ebola will often come in the guide of friends and loved ones. Frequently take blood samples from those around you and have them tested. Preferably without warning, so it doesnt have time to hide or jump to a new host. 3. Ebola is not an airborne virus...yet. Try to dissuade it from mutating by gearing up in full CBRN gear at all times so it realizes that airborne transmission isnt viable. 4. Ebola is quite a bit like...that fellow from Harry Potter...in that saying its name aloud is a terrible idea. Trick it by deliberately pronouncing it EBB-ola instead of ee-BOLA. Immediately correct anyone who pronounces it properly, and be sure to express the seriousness of the situation to anyone who doubts you. If they continue to pronounce it correctly, avoid them at all costs, as they are marked for death. 5. If you believe you may have Ebola, attempt to expose as many other people as possible. The reason is twofold: A, every viral cell you give to someone else is one less your immune system has to deal with, and B, Ebola may recognize your diligent work and treat you with leniency once it takes over the world. 6. Finally, while scientists and military leaders have yet to find a plausible connection, its safe to say it was probably Al-Qaeda. Petition your government to invade Iraq and Afghanistan at least two more times.
Posted on: Tue, 07 Oct 2014 04:17:22 +0000
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