Coming up on 20 years as a type-1 diabetic, and still utterly puzzled as to where the resentment is? That sense of inexplicable gratitude upon diagnosis, that it was something I could live with, has simply never left me. I find myself wondering what is wrong with me due to this glaring lack of anger/sadness more often than I do regarding the malfunction. In fact, if anything Im impressed! My body has successfully guarded me against a perceived threat for 20 years, albeit confused about the target. Talk about devotion! Not to say that it never stresses me out, of course it does - manually compensating for an organ is a big and unrelenting responsibility. And inconvenienced? You bet, even things like brushing my teeth on a daily basis annoy me, so of course this pushes my grump button on a regular basis. A profound insecurity to be so dependent upon a substance and equipment that were I deprived, my life would be (optimistically) counted in days? Yes, that is probably the worst of it. But I always ask myself, Where is the Why me??! Every person I have met that shares this condition has that in common, some level of anger... I am grateful to have missed that somehow, but it has never made sense - Ive certainly felt put out by far less significant things throughout my life. I guess it shall continue to remain a mystery. And heres to a successful 20 year alliance with death, and counting! :)
Posted on: Tue, 28 Oct 2014 16:54:47 +0000
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