Common elements in handling intense emotion! During emotional overload the child is often overwhelmed, feeling very vulnerable, and entering in the “fight or flight” panic mode. Although every child is different, there are some common elements to consider when helping your child through these intense emotions. 1. Each child is different; however, it is important to help them feel safe and accepted during the emotion (even if we do not like the behavior). Our goal is to acknowledge that they are overwhelmed, reassure them that they are safe, and validate that they are accepted. We do not have to “accept” their behavior (especially aggression or property destruction), but we can validate the feelings behind it. At the time when they are overwhelmed with emotion, their cognitive coping skills collapse and they feel very scared and vulnerable. 2. Usually showing little emotional reaction and keeping verbal interaction to a minimum is best during high emotions. When our emotions also escalate, it most always fuels the fire. Also, for most children their communication skills often collapse during the escalation. Both receptively (understanding what you are saying) and expressively (talking about their feelings). Do not expect them to reason with you at these times. Say very little, and do not ask them a lot of questions. They cannot process, and reasoning just further taxes their mental energy. Many children may find repetitive, rhythmic chants or simple songs soothing. Often a familiar sing-song chant can help calm. Otherwise reassure the child he is safe and minimizes saying much at all. 3. Remove all task demands and requests for action. When they are in panic, “fight or flight” mode, they cannot not focus or reason through any demands. They need to back off and rebound. We need to reduce the stimulation and cognitive demands on them. If they need to follow through with something, wait until they calm down, then go back it. Lower the demands, as well as stimulation. Some children need to totally leave the situation to an isolate themselves until the fury calms down. 4. Respect the childs comfort zone. Some children may need to be by themselves with minimal interaction, others welcome support in soothing. It is extremely important to know what their comfort zone is. Some children will withdraw and shut down, wanting little interaction. Some children will seek out and calm to deep pressure stimulation (holding, squeezing, messaging, rocking, etc,) some want you nearby but not touching or talking. Some will calm to repeating the A, B, Cs or chanting their favorite nursery rhyme. Often slow, rhythmic patterns (rocking, singing, chanting, etc.) can sooth the nervous system. Also know what “not to do”. Know your child’s comfort zones and respect them. 5. Have a plan! Whatever little strategies seem to work, use them every time. Develop a calming routine. Sameness represents familiarity, which presents predictability. There is security in predictability. It helps calm the fury. Uncertainty and unpredictability will fuel the fire. At the time when they are overwhelmed by emotion they need familiarity and predictability. It helps them feel safe and secure, even during times of chaos.
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 11:01:54 +0000