Couple of Bulgarian louts on the train this morning drinking - TopicsExpress

Couple of Bulgarian louts on the train this morning drinking foreign beer and being frightful to the female commuters. I step in: First time in England, lads? Da, they say in unision, giving me stink eye and rolling up their sleeves. Lets make it your last, shall we? I say, as I punch them each simultaneously, sending them through the window of the moving train and to their foreign deaths. A spray of red and white confetti clouds the air and the prettiest and most English lady on the train plants her lips on mine. I wake up. I am Nigel Farage. My hand traces a path to my pyjama bottoms...

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