:D :D :D My Lord, I bring news. *Typhus Marburg paused in his study of the situation map of the dreary little planet his forces were engaged in ravaging.* Yes? Lord. Starships have appeared in the outer system and are on course for a landing. They have been identified as elements of the Flesh Tearers. Yeah? Tell them to sod off and find their own world. Tell em we got here first. Sire, you misunderstand. They are here to defend this world! What! Why? Its a sorry state of affairs when the followers of Chaos start to defend the weakling Imperium from each other! Um, Lord... the Flesh Tearers are a loyalist chapter. They are? With a name like that! Are you sure theyre not one of ours? Positive, My Lord. Have you been able to call for any assistance? The Astropaths have contacted other forces nearby. Unfortunately this has also alerted other loyalist forces in the sector and they are also headed our way. Bugger. So who gets here first then? The Alpha Legion, sire. It never rains, it only pours, hey? Umm... What! The Alpha Legion is one of ours. It is?! Yes. Im confused. Youre telling me that a mob called the Flesh Tearers isnt one of ours but a mob called the - what was it again... The Alpha Legion, sire. Right... a mob called the Alpha Legion is one of ours. That is correct, sire. So who else is showing up to this barney then? The Blood Drinkers. One of ours? One of theirs. OK. The Iron Warriors. One of theirs? No. One of ours. Go figure. The Dark Angels. Now Ive heard of them. Followers of Slaanesh arent they? No, I think youre thinking of The Fallen, sire. The Dark Angels are Loyalists too. Bugger. So who else then? The Emperors Children. Oh, that ones too easy. Theyre obviously loyalists with a name like that. Um, not exactly my Lord. Really? Yes, Lord. Theyre one of ours too. This is silly. All the really evil sounding names are being used by weakling loyalists while it seems as though the forces of chaos have got the naff monikers. Are there any more of these I should know about? A few, Lord. OK then, spell it out for me, starting with Loyalists that sound like traitors and then moving onto traitors that sound like Loyalists. I will attempt to do so, Lord. OK - the Loyalists that sound like traitors... the Marauders, Rampagers, Destroyers and Storm Lords (all White Scar second foundings in point of fact). I like the sound of the Storm Lords. You sure they arent one of ours? Quite sure. Then theres the Blood Drinkers and the Flesh Tearers - both of which are Loyalist second founding of the Blood Angels. With names like that Id always assumed they were more bone headed followers of the blood god. Not so far, My Lord. Then theres the Red Talons... I thought they were renegade pirates. No Lord, thats the Red Corsairs. Oh. OK. Continue. The Brazen Claws are loyalists too. Good name for a Khornate force though isnt it? Yes Lord. Then theres the Black Guard (not to be confused with the Black Legion which IS one of ours), the Revilers, and the Raptors. Hold on a minute! The Raptors? Theyre definitely ours. Hell weve got a small unit of them attached to our forces havent we? My Lord, those are the troops known as Raptors but there is also a loyalist legion with the same name. Must get a bit confusing for the loyalists then? I imagine so, My Lord. There are also the Doom Eagles, the Silver Skulls, and the Iron Hands (not to be mistaken for the Iron Warriors, who are ours). Bloody hell. Is that it? There are also some lesser known chapters that also seem to cause occasional confusion. Such as... The Doomfarers are one that our forces have occasionally encountered. Oh yeah. Those yoyos. So what about the Chaos forces that sound like loyalists then... Well as mentioned earlier there are The Emperors Children, The Iron Warriors, the Thousand Sons, the Lunar Wolves (who changed their name to the Sons of Horus and then to the Black Legion)... Well at least theyre easily IDed as one of ours now. The Black Legion eh? Now thats a proper name. Just positively oozes evil from every pore. Yes, Lord. To continue, there are also the Word Bearers, and the Alpha Legion. The Word Bearers? What kind of silly name is that for a Chaos Legion? They used to be missionaries sire We youd think that once they switched to our side theyd change their name to something a little more in keeping with being evil mad men. I mean come on The Word Bearers? Its a silly name. Yes my Lord You know, I think the forces of Chaos should have proper Chaos names. Theres no room for mistakes when youre called something like The World Eaters or The Death Guard... Actually Lord, both those chapters had those names when they were loyalists. Youre kidding. No, My Lord. Yeesh. I would have thought names like that would be a bit scary for the average imperial citizen. I mean Yay were being rescued by the World Eaters just doesnt sound credible while Aargh! Flee! Its the World Eaters seems much more likely. Yes, My Lord. I believe the latter is more likely these days anyway. Makes no bloody sense at all. Yes, My Lord. Kill em all and let the Chaos Gods sort em out I say. Sounds like a completely reasonable approach to me, My Lord.
Posted on: Tue, 11 Mar 2014 09:33:34 +0000
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