DAVID Cameron has reached out to Britain’s everyday bastard-in-the-street. Working for bastards like you Working for bastards like you Speaking at the Conservative party conference, the prime minister said that he was not just serving the privately educated castle-owning bastard elite but also looking out for the ordinary working bastard. David Cameron said: “Everywhere I go in Britain, I encounter bastards. Petty sadists, fuelled by envy and resentment, who despise the poor, the sick and the needy. “Big bastards, little bastards, thin bastards and fat bastards. A wonderful nation of bastards. “Bastards who would like to see the workhouse brought back, as long as the gruel wasn’t too tasty. “My message to bastards is – we hear you, and we are working on it. You are the future.” Cameron unveiled an array of bastard-friendly policies including a ban on being disabled, the death penalty for anyone turning a car in anyone else’s drive and legalising pushing people over in the street if you are in a hurry. Political analyst Nikki Hollis said: “Reaching out to the bastards is a shrewd move because UKIP has nailed the twat vote. There are over eight million bastards in Britain, mostly in London and its suburbs.” 64-year-old lady bastard Donna Sheridan said: “Cutting benefits is a step in the right direction, but will it motivate people to get a job as much as, say, being dragged through the streets by horses then thrown into a pit full of mongeese? “I do like George Osborne though. His small black eyes appeal to me.”
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 08:30:53 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015