DAY OF REMEMBRANCE This was the first time I attended an official Day of Remembrance service. I have been asked to attend for 3 years now, ever since I lost my beloved son John Thomas . Today I went to take pictures for Kimberly Beck-Frate, (Pres. of Victims Services Coalition & Halifax Health Hospice Traumatic Loss Program Developer) and it changed my scope on life completely. Everything about this day was depressing, but it wasn’t normal depressing. This depressing was completely different; it was a feeling hard for me to describe, it was heartbreaking, beautiful, breathtaking & very spiritual. The entire melancholic atmosphere directly affected me from the vast ages of the people in attendance, babies, small children, to the elderly and the sheer number of people there to share their loss. I tried to retain my tears as I constantly told myself that “I would not cry.” I was successful until I glanced at the immediate family’s faces as they heard their loved ones names being read, and I saw tears pouring out of their eyes and the pain still ever present on their face, despite the amount of time that has passed. Suddenly, as I heard his name John Thomas I couldn’t hold it back and I just let it all out. At that moment, it was not only about my loss, I was taking a step in their shoes, the different stories of lives lost displayed on handkerchiefs made by family members, hanging off strings & blowing in the wind. The T-shirts worn with photos of their loved ones, asking for any information about the person or persons responsible for the crimes. I imagined that loss as somebody so close to me and it was overbearing. When the Volusia Co. Sheriffs Honor Guard did the Presentation of Colors, it came flooding back, that heartbreaking moment when I realized that I would never see him again. It was right then when State Attorney R.J. Larizza came up behind me and placed his arm around my shoulders, holding me and expressing his condolences on my loss. He told me on behalf of the State Attorney’s office and the State of Florida he wished he could take away the pain I was feeling. For the first time I truly believed someone of authority cared and that John was recognized as person whos life was cut short, whos presents was going to be missed. What I didnt fully realize was the impact his death and all those represented brought to our community. So as the service came to a close with the reading of the Apache Tears, and Native American Drum ceremony by Jim Sawgrass of the Muskogee-Creek Indian Tribe, an incredible thing happened, dozens of dragon flies appeared and flew through the crowd. It was such an overwhelming spiritual releasing for me. It was as if the spirits of our loved ones were there with us at that very moment. I left with such a weight lifted off me, the anger I had for the unresolved investigation was gone. I was able to be at peace with the fact that I got to say goodbye, when there were those that didnt get that chance. My thoughts will be of all memories we shared with John over his 26 years. Not the one ugly, tragic night he was taken for us and those responsible. My thanks to all that were involved in putting this service together and Kim for asking me again to attend and take photos of this amazing service.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 02:51:31 +0000
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