DNA WARNING :BREAKING NEWS: After venturing out into the eye of Strong Breeze St. Jude, amid scenes of chaos and carnage, Stinky (the ferret) and I were able to witness first hand the devastation caused in Waddingham Village. Running a gauntlet of leaves thrown around like rag-dolls and flying branches of at least 12 in length, we surveyed the local area. It is with a heavy heart that I must report the deaths of up to 6 wheelie bins and a number of garden gnomes. We also have unconfirmed reports of a number of recycling boxes that have been injured in the line of duty. We are now heading out to the storm shelter (aka the garden shed) and will endeavour to keep you posted as this unprecedented catastrophe plays out. Stay safe people!! LATEST: The Met Office have advised people not to be lulled into a false sense of security as breeze gusts die down. This is most likely the eye of the storm and we can expect a further round of devastation to hit sometime in the next 15 years. A police spokesperson said, Stay at home, ration water and food and, wherever possible, protect yourself by huddling under a table or crouching in the bath. Please remember that 999 is for emergencies only and we are stretched to capacity as many of our officers where unable to make it to the office today. Supplies of tea and Hob-Nobs are running low, which has had a dramatic effect on response times. UPDATE: Ive just been handed reports of local communications being down. A spokesperson from Apple said, The unusual Breeze Force 12 sub-hurricane winds have caused many iPhone batteries to run flat after only a few hours use. We highly advise anyone needing to make an emergency call to resurrect an old Nokia 6310i.
Posted on: Mon, 28 Oct 2013 11:37:53 +0000
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