DR. BOBS DAILY: IF YOU WORRY ALREADY, NOW YOU HAVE EVEN MORE TO WORRY ABOUT Its so nice to be an optimist. Is it a guy thing? Or is it a personality thing? I guess Im not even worried about WHY Im an optimist, Im just glad I am. It makes life so much easier. I can just assume nothing bads going to happen and ahhhh, life is good. And a new study shows that optimists have healthier cardiovascular systems. It seems that all those years of excess adrenaline and cortisol that you pessimists have to live with really take their toll. When I see a sick child in the office, its so much easier to reassure a fellow optimist that their child is going to be ok. Such moms are like, Ok. I knew everything was fine, but just wanted to be sure. Youve made me feel so much better. And off I go to the next patient. Not so the pessimist parents. They need ten questions answered: What if (or rather, WHEN) the fever gets higher? What if its bacterial? Are you sure it isnt meningitis? Could it be measles? What if its cancer? Can we just have antibiotics anyway, since if it isnt pneumonia already it will be soon. Etc, etc, etc. The thing is, since Im not going to be worried about a child who doesnt seem too sick, I guess SOMEONE should at least have some level of worry so that the child is properly looked after. Since its not going to be me, and it rarely falls on dads, I guess that leaves the job to moms. And when I see a parent who is TOO optimistic (like, nothing ever, ever, ever is going to wrong with their child - I guess a better term for such over-optimism is denial), I know I better take an extra careful look at that child. Dang, since mom isnt going to worry, now I have to. Thankfully, such moms are usually paired up with a paranoid dad, so well put HIM on worry duty. I guess sometimes it IS easier to send a sick child home with a pessimistic parent, because I know that mom will watch that child like a hawk. I know that mom will call me the second anything gets worse. Maybe that feeds my optimism, knowing that an alert mom is on call and I can rest easy. When I DO see a really sick kid, I tend to worry and worry and worry the rest of the day, wondering if the child is alright. Ill text the parent to check in sometimes. For all the rest of the sick kids that day that are routine, I forget all about them. In fact, thats sometimes how I try to reassure a particularly worried mom - Ill tell her, Look, I have a good idea when to worry and when NOT to worry. When I worry, I think about a child the rest of the day and all night. And Im going to forget all about your child as soon as I walk out of this room. Thats how un-worried I am. Now, if I AM worried, Ill put moms cell number into my cell phone and Ill tell her Ill text her later and she can call me back to check in. Darn, now you know that IF I do that with YOUR child, that means Im really worried. But you know, isnt it better to know when you need to be extra worried and when you can rest easy? So, new rule for all patients - no more worrying, unless I tell you you need to worry. Then well worry together. I know that MY worry wont even come close to matching YOUR worry. But at least youll know youre not alone. And just so that nobody gets offended by this post, here are two more points: If you are a pessimist, that means you are a really good mom. If you are an optimist, that means you are a really good mom. Dr. Bob
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 18:26:21 +0000
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