DRDO unveils the world’s first secular robot – the Robo-Con June 29, 2013 |Filed under: Featured, General, Latest|Posted by: Ajayendar Reddy In a stunning breakthrough of gargantuan proportions, DRDO has unveiled the world’s first secular robot. Powered by ‘dynamic secularisation’ technology, the robot, rather than blindly following the accepted definitions of secularism, adapts to the fast changing secular equations in India by parsing the secular utterances of leaders like L K Advani, Nitish Kumar, Jagdish Tytler, Mulayam Singh and Laloo and adjusting its definition of secularism on a real time basis. “True to its secular nature, the robot will always wear atika,topi,kirpanand the cross at all times,” raved N Ram, principal scientist at the DRDO and chief engineer behind the technological marvel. N Ram, however, confessed that naming the robot was quite a challenge. After intense brainstorming at anexclusive resort for an entire week, the government came up with three equally compellingoptions: Rajiv, Indira and Nehru. A few PM loyalists suggested ‘Manmohan’ which was, though most befitting, quickly shouted down by Gandhi family loyalists. The deadlock was eventually broken after Rahul Gandhi pitched in to suggestRobo-Con. “I had this idea last night to draw Robo from Robot and Con from Congress,” said a straight faced Rahul, prompting a mini-stampede where congress leaders ran over each other to praise Rahul baba on his idea. Though the DRDO was initially apprehensive about building such a robot, they were convinced by many memberslooking for Governor postsof thestrategic community about its importance in preserving theIdea of India. The Robo-Con was built in a record time of 5 months after Kapil Sibal decided to email one shayarevery day to the scientists till the end of the project to boost their morale. Some of the features of Robo-Con are as follows: *.The Robo-Con is equipped withgroundbreaking Labrador technology that can sniff and rate the ‘Secularity’of a person. This dynamic scale is based on the least and most secular persons at a point in time. Currently, it is set to rate Secularity on a scale of NarendraModi to LK Advani. This rating system will have a key role to play in the formationof coalitions after the 2014 general elections. *.The Robo-Con has acolumn generatorapp that can instantlycreate secular columns. After intense web crawling through endless columns, the Robo-Con has decided to write under the pen-name Bekaar Patel. Leadingnational daily newspapers led by ‘The UnHindu’ were learnt tohave been extremely pleased with this app as their contributors were fast running out of new ideas to run-down communal leaders.(Readers canfind some original ideas here). Depending on the size of the government scams exposed, it can generate columns that subtly take a dig at communal leaders or go on a vicious diatribe. *.The Robo-Con has a ‘NaMo NoMo’ app that can generate thousands of unique tweets appended with hash tags such as #BlowToModi #ModiFailure #Feku etc. This app has however caused consternation and insecurity amongeNREGAliberal Tweeters, who had hitherto figured out a simple copy-pasteapproach to fulfilling their obligations toSanjay Jhatheir conscience. *.The Robo-Con can also appear on TV debates with pre-loaded statements like “We do not need lessons from communal politicians”, “Tika bhi lagana hoga, topi bhi pehenni hogi”, “Secularism is in our pants, in our shirts”and of course “ HAAAAAAAH-HAHAHAAH- WWOOOO- HOHOHO- BRRR-HAHAHA- KHIKHIKHIKHI” *.Another feather in Robo-Con’s hat is the face-recognition technology built-in to identify Osama Bin Laden, Hafiz Saeed look-alikesfrom the UID database to help some secular leaders in their attempt to woo the minority voters. However, scientists ran into a few stumbling blocks during the trials. While testing its face-recognition technology, Robo-Con apparently went bat-shit mental when confrontedwith the picture of Sanjay Jha, resulting in a massive operating system crash that took several hours to rectify. The other incident occurred when the Robot, while watching an episode of Face the Nation, suddenly fell head over heels in love with anchor Sagarika Ghose.“That was inexplicable, as we hadn’t programmed it to have any emotions. We haven’t been able to figure out why. We have spent several days trying to workit out, but the reason has eluded us so far,” said a frustrated scientist, between sips of Old Monk. Nevertheless, the Robo-Con has already been earmarked by the government to conduct workshops for the young and upcoming leaders/politicians who are struggling with the dynamic nature of Indian secularism. “This is a holistic game-changer that will train the leaders of future,” said I&B Minister Manish Tewari. When approached for a comment, Dr. Shashi Tharoor observed: “This isa great innovation for a truly secular nation like ours. The sightfew years ago of a Roman Catholic making way for a Sikh tobe sworn in as PM by a Muslim…..” (well,
Posted on: Sat, 29 Jun 2013 09:29:41 +0000
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