Dads Final Years by Patricia Choi My parents, Ernest and Rosaline Souza, had been married 66 years when Mom passed. Mom and Dad was always a cute couple. Mom was fortunate to have had a good memory as she aged; however, her body grew weaker with each passing year. Dad was always a very strong man but, unfortunately, his memory faded over time. I used to tease them and say, “With Mom’s memory and Dad’s strength, you guys make a whole person.” My attempt at humor always made them laugh. At this point in their lives, they made a wonderful team. Mom helped Dad to drive by giving him directions. Dad kept the house clean by pushing the vacuum and so it went until Mom died. Suddenly, Dad was alone, for the first time ever! Dad lived on a 28 acre property in Mountain View, Hawaii, the Big Island. My brothers helped Dad until it became too difficult for Dad to live by himself. We brought Dad to California to live with us in the spring of 2009. Dad remained the kindest, sweetest, and most lovable Dad until he died. It wasn’t always easy, taking care of Dad as his memory slipped away a little more each day. There were days of frustration on my part when Dad claimed he took a shower, and I knew he did not. Or when he had the same old dirty clothes on when the clean clothes I laid out for him were left untouched. There were mornings when I came downstairs and saw Dad with a glass of wine because he did not realize it was only 10:30A.M. I tried to ignore his confusion and deterioration. After all, Dad was my rock, he took care of me. Finally, as difficult as it was, I had to accept the fact that our roles had reversed. I had become the caregiver. Dad loved old western movies and spent a great deal of his day watching the same movies repeatedly, but that was fine as the story was always new to him. He also loved going out with us. It did not matter if we were just going out for a ride or grocery shopping or to visit with friends, he was always happy. Upon our return home and without fail, he’d say, “I had a good day, thank you for the outing.” Finally, after 2 years with us, Dad asked to go home to Hawaii. We all knew Dad’s time was nearing the end. With the help of Dad’s doctor, we got the necessary oxygen for the plane ride. Everyone helped Dad prepare for his final journey home. My husband flew home with Dad. Needless to say, my husband was mentally prepared for the unthinkable should Dad expire during the flight. Fortunately, Dad made it home safely. My brother took charge of Dad’s care. Dad’s first week home was excellent. Family and friends came to pay their respects and say good-by. I flew to Hawaii to be with Dad for his final 2 weeks. The day before Dad passed, as I sat holding his hand, he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. Then, he raised his hands into the air and looked off into the corner of the bedroom that he had shared with Mom and smiled. I asked him what he saw, and he told me he saw Mom waiting for him. Although it was difficult to let Dad go, I realized that it would be all right, as Dad looked so happy to be joining Mom. He died the next day surrounded by his family. I often ask myself, “How it is that something so sad can be so beautiful?”
Posted on: Tue, 06 Jan 2015 03:16:43 +0000
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