Daily Blog - 8/11/2014: I just came home a minute ago and heard the news about comedian Robin Williams passing, preliminarily at least, by suicide. To be honest, Im in a darkened place as any of you blog readers shouldve guessed by now. I just got through airing a bunch of my junk to some close friends. My life it seems is in total shambles! I feel broken inside. Downright miserable on many levels. At the core, I got problems and I seem unable to fix them. It sucks. Those of you who would say nice little neat platitudes in response to this admission: well, I think you suck! No one can console me. No one understands me; not at least any who breathe air on a regular basis. There is One who understands me, and honestly at this point, even He brings me little consolation. If He does, it is only in the simple fact that He knows that I know that He loves me-- but of course, none of this is news to Him. Im preparing a last ditch effort to save my marriage. Im preparing a speech so-to-speak to give my wife, to tell her how much I do truly love her and want to be with her, meanwhile, shes on the phone airing all of her junk to her friend... Life is difficult. Temptation follows you through your entire life, nipping at your heals like some belligerent dog that wont go away. One of the keys in life is learning how to manage it/cope with it/overcome it. In this regard, I have no good advice for you. It would sound like generic, one-size-fits-all platitudes--from someone who sucks. Today, I was sitting out on the patio at work, getting some needed time with friends--shooting the breeze. A young (equally arrogant little schmuck) hollared out at me across the patio, Hey Lance, I heard your house is up for sale... He said all of this with a cocky youthful little arrogant smile on his face, and to be fair, its quite possible that he meant no harm; didnt think about tact, etc. So, to be fair (and probably more honest than I really ought to be) I didnt think about killing myself today at all, or even now after hearing about Williams suicide. I thought (in only a fantasizing sort of way) about unleashing my wrath upon him. To be truthful, if hypothetically, there wasnt a God, nor any consequences of such, and there was a PURGE (like the movie) in place, THAT guy wouldnt be amongst the living right now... I would have permanently wiped that cocky little smile off of his face. But, also being honest, I walked it off, and have almost completely walked it off. Heres the spooky part. I have almost no remorse for feeling that way today. My challenge, (as in any other day or situation) is to heed the words of my Master, which never seems to change, which is: forgive him; love him. He only seems to be concerned with my next steps. Yes Lance, I know you wanted to beat him into a bloody pulp, but you must forgive him... If I seem unstable to you, well, youre missing the point. I dont personally feel like Im much any different than any of you (Im just the one who blogs about it on Facebook...) I have struggles and trials and temptations and I fail often, but there is a God who loves me and will see me through--however painful it may be. I may go through this process scarred and battered, but I will not harm others in the process, or myself. I make that promise to my wife, daughter, friends, and my God. But it hurts... and it sucks! Food for thought... PEACE!!! L2theB
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 01:53:44 +0000
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