Damn it. So, those of you who havent seen me in a while: Im closing in on about 100 pounds lost, in roughly a years time. No surgery, no crash diet or system or cult or anything, just one man in an excruciatingly slow uphill battle with himself. About one-sixteenth of the time it feels pretty awesome. I can look in the mirror and go You got THAT right, and actually believe it. The other fifteen sixteenths of the time I absolutely HATE IT. All of it. In a weird way, sometimes it feels like Im in mourning. Or that Ive lost track of myself, dont know where I really am, or who I really am. Ive already got this loose skin thing going on, big time. Not quite as extreme as this guy, but Im getting there. Soon enough I will look a lot like him. But already Im very conscious of it. I still havent bought new clothes yet, partly because I get it in my head that if I wear clothes that fit properly, this weird loose skin crap will be a lot easier for people to notice. So Im still wearing my old, now-baggy clothes, just bought a smaller belt and cinched it up. Lots of sweatpants. I already know that move: tucking what-used-to-be-your-gut into your underwear. This is what I have to look forward to? Its not exactly appetizing. What Ive got going on now, I already dont find that appetizing. Sometimes, looking forward to this fills me with so much trepidation it keeps me from trying harder, keeps me from staying on point with the proper diet and the exercise, and the small day-to-day decisions that add up to a whole. I dont want to look like a flying squirrel, screw it, give me a cookie. Matter of fact, give me the BOX. But guys like this, positive, smiling, make it seem a little bit better. It helps in its own small way. Every so often we all need that reminder that we arent finished yet. Is where we are right now totally ideal? No, not always. But we arent finished yet. Just give us time. Give yourself some time. Dont give up. We are all in transition of some kind. Physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, spiritually, whatever: theres some bit of you that youre working on. You are awesome, exactly where you are, so any move you make forward is just extra-awesome. Keep at it! Dont beat yourself up if you fall, its only a temporary set-back. Three steps forward and two steps back is still an overall step forward for the day. Get back up, dust yourself off, and keep pushing forward in that uphill battle. Im going to make it. Youre going to make it. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Where we are now is fine, but it isnt where we will always be. Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 01:33:06 +0000