Damn man.... Yesterday just was not a good day... Went to usc hospital only for her to tell me exactly what my rheumatologist here already told me. I love how they keep telling me Its not life threatening yet so what we gonna sit around till I on my death bed??... Then we try to make the best of it go to knotts berry farm to walk around outside the stores get a couple things on our way home we break down in Santa Clarita for bout an hour or so. Idk how we made it home but man that was the longest hour ever... Almost broke down n middle of mountains...we finally get home around 1am and man Idk what happened between Keck Hospital of USC and home because Ya boy sicker then a dog... Havent slept all night. Runny nose, vomitting. Sore throat, headach, and nosebleeds.... Plus my body is just so sore!!! Had to call out from work today. I feel and look like Shit! I hate this damn disease because no one knows anything! Ive heard the same cheesy line from all my DRs your fine you dont have lupus its not life threatening.. get my hopes up then a month later after all the results come back they wanna change up their statements.... Real talk I hate this ish. Why lie to people just because you dont know. Real talk be real just tell your patients you know what we know nothing of this disease and we learn as we go. Boom.. Id be cool with that like Im sure every other person would to... Why lie and tell em eveeythings good because you give us false hope and make us second guess ourselves. Wondering if Im even sck? Is it all in my head? If it is why is my body doing this to me? Is the mind that powerfully that you can trick yourself into being sick without actually being sick? But why would I make it up what I want attention? Attention for what though honestly what do i gain out of this by lying... Hate how everyone tells you you look fine you dont look sick. Walk in my shoes for an hour and you tell me if Im crazy or not.... Telling you man all this unknown BS got me tripping.. asking and answer my own damn questions.... They dont understand how this disease effects your mental state.... The Drs making people crazy. Telling people one thing then doing a complete 180* and telling em eh guess what your right there is something wrong with you.... Like I tell others.... Football and all the hard work blood sweat tears and broken bones I gave my entire body to the sport I love. Ive gone thru many many obstacles during my football career to overcome them all... Now Im fighting a different battle and football has prepared my body to handle the worse... Physical pain is a cake walk.... Its the mental and emotional state that cant take all this BS.BROKEN bones and physical pain is nothing compared to the mental and emotional pain you go through with this stupid horrible unfair disease!! I hate It!!! I want my life back! I want to be able to work out like before! I want to be able to play the sport i love again! I want to be able to go for a walk or jog in the sun and feel the warmness against my skin with out getting sick or burned. I want to go outback and play catch with my little brother again.... Id give anything to have ONE normal day without paying for it the rest of the week... Anything...
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 17:55:32 +0000
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