Dark Souls update. so I was wondering around the darkend catacombs, when I come across a human named Patches. He seems pretty friendly, and even tells me he wants to team up to get some treasure. he shows me the treasure is sitting at the bottom of this cliff and we just need to go down and get it. And then he kicks me off the cliff. That bastard. I am going to kill that guy if I ever get back up there. I do and I do. But Im still trapped in this dark cave. I do however discover that i can use a skull lantern to slightly see further. It has to be a skull lantern. Couldnt be just a lantern, could it? Anyway, the lantern lets me know when Im about to face a strange doggy style giant human skeleton. The end result is that i crawl through the area at roughly 1/10 a mile per hour. Finally coming to a bonfire and a well lit area. Ah, progress. Suddenly, Im invaded by paladin Leroy. Which caught me thoroughly of guard. Of all the names Id give a paladin, Leroy is among the last, shortly after Bono, but slightly ahead of turd Mcnugget. I had only barely begun to contemplate the absurdity of a paladin named Leroy when the paladin in question found me and attempted to punish me for mentally laughing at his name. After dispatching Leroy, i proceeded to a place where i could sneak by some pinwheel type monsters except that the room was full of skeletons that crumbled whenever i went into the same zip code. After finally managing to sneak past the first two, i found that there was a short cut through the water on the right. Ha ha, an unguarded path for the stealthy. But as soon as my boots struck water, half a dozen baby skeletons rose from the water to kill me. Game, you disgust me. After shrieking like a girl for 30 seconds, i swing at them with my mitt Romney axe. Killing several of the undead babies and alerting those guys Id snuck past to my presence. Fantastic. Killing everyone pretty much drained me of everything i had. But now the water was clear... Nope. Step into water and the baby skeletons respawned. They dont run out of those. So at this point it turns into a run away game as i try to grab items, kill pinwheels, all while being pursued by An army of undead baby muppets. Fleeting in terror, i dash through the fog gate, hoping for a bonfire, but instead, i find myself in a tomb... And a skeleton the size of my house made entirely of other skeletons comes out of the grave. My sheer horror could not be encapsulated into words so Ill just say that the first thing that came to mind was that i didnt tell my children i loved them when Id last left the living room. Its funny what you think about right there at the end. The boss is called death lord Nito. And if you, like me, recall the opening cinematic, youd remember that this is a God. Fantastic. The guy its creates and destroys undead as quickly as he breathes, and as quickly add i was creating poo in my pants, and destroying the good will of my friends in the room turned off by the smell of poo pants. By some absolutely bizarre miracle, i manage to kill the deity on my first try. Without a doubt... Its time to turn off the game.
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 17:58:27 +0000
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