Day 5: I’m going to change my tune a bit today and get a little more serious. The previous updates have been about how HE is feeling physically and I wanted to write about how WE feel emotionally. We have said it often that we are ‘thankful’ for all of your support. That it has been beautifully ‘overwhelming’ and I don’t know if it truly conveys how much everything you all have done (and continue to do) mean to us. I guess you really do not know how much cancer attacks an entire family, not just the person afflicted with the disease, until you are thrown into the middle of it. It may do damage physically, but the mental strain and stress that it can cause is immeasurable. I think it is safe to say that no one plans to have cancer. On 7/15/17 Brandon called me, while I was at work, to tell me he “had to go to the ER…his hemoglobin was in the 5’s…could I leave work early”? As, a RN, unfortunately and fortunately (I guess) I was already making my diagnosis as I drove from “my “ hospital to “his” to meet him. Maybe he just had a little bleeding ulcer? Did he just develop iron deficient anemia overnight? Yet, In the back of my mind and in my gut that “C-word” was always there. I didn’t want to say it. I tried to read the doctor’s faces to see if it was behind their eyes, that maybe THEY were thinking the same thing. In that family conference room after his EGD, I sat by myself and stared at the tumor that had threatened our ‘happily ever after’. To be blatantly honest, I was pissed. We are good, hard-working people. We chose careers where we could try and make a difference in the community. To HELP people who could not help themselves. We are too YOUNG. This is NOT supposed to happen. No one has a rainy day fund set aside ‘just in case’ they get cancer. You have rainy day funds for the FUN things in life! We had saved and worked overtime so I could afford to be off for the birth of our daughter. I had just gotten back to work and into the swing of things. Sadly, when faced with his illness, our major concerns involved not only how we were going to survive physically, but mentally and financially as well. Those extraneous worries and concerns lasted about two days. Until we realized we were not alone. It wasn’t just Brandon and I against that tumor. It was 1500+ people across the WORLD caring for us, praying for us, generously giving their time and money, raising funds so we could draft Brandon the best cancer-killing champions in the west (HAIL!). Because he deserves it. Because our KIDS deserve it. So a ‘thank you’ will never be enough. You patched a hole in my heart where I was bleeding in the wake of this gut-wrenching (literally ;) ) disease. You made it easier to focus on what really matters in this world, in this life. You allowed me (us) to breathe. Your support has never waivered. Even after 4 long months, we have not been forgotten. There hasn’t been a day since diagnosis, where someone hasn’t gone out of their way, stepped out of their own life, to help us or show that we are loved. We may be just at the beginning of this fight but because of all of you, in our minds and in our hearts, we have already won. The physical healing is all that remains. #skirastrong
Posted on: Sun, 09 Nov 2014 21:50:27 +0000
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