Day 88: Walking. Placing each item in its place, careful to account for the empty spaces. Rolling each item, taking the time to tuck in the corners, so as there is uniformity to every item that gets stowed away. How to account for what is really needed, will always be a mystery to me, as I have never been able to account for all of the strange things that tend to happen on travels. Supposing there is a bit of experience element to the issue, I feel as though I have lost a lot in this department, turning each packing adventure into a solid crap shoot. Para cord, knife, cup, fire starter, assortments of first aid, compass, Iodine and Vit C, clothing, clothing, bedding. All of the others seem to be so peripheral, I just add them as some sort of security to remind me of the world I came from. In the future i will add something that I never tended to add before, a few photos. The mind tends to really wander, I wish to not lose focus on a few things that are really important. Replacing laces, double checking water, counting up days of food, piling through maps to assure that I have looked over them enough times to be really assured where I am headed. Moving through all of the gear, axe sharpened, spare bottles stowed, handkerchiefs placed just so. There is something self assuring in getting ready for a long trip, something so simple as going through all of the items that will aide you along the way, to keep you alive. At times there will be a path for me, at times I will have to push my way through scrub brush, where the forest has reclaimed its domain. At certain points I will have to scramble over rocks, up terrain that most people would choose to go around. Fording rivers is what bothers me the most, getting soaked in situations deep in the woods is never safe for even the most experienced. Making camp is always my favorite part, putting together the most temporary of homes, if just for a night, makes me feel more like a man. To have accomplished even basic shelter for the night. Moving during the day, placing one foot after another, getting into a tempo and rhythm that will continue for the day. Taking respite in the beautiful places, occasionally getting a howdy from random passers by. Such quick interaction with those few around, they feel the same as me, just want to be in isolation for a time. This is something I think on everyday. I want to just pack it in and walk away. Just go, leave it all behind and find something new. It might be in a truck full of belongings, or just a pack full of gear, off into the woods. To walk out, ford a new beginning elsewhere. Somewhere where I do not have to answer to all of the people I have let down over the years. All of the accusatory looks, as to whether or not I am for real. The conversations with those that I love, to try and work things out. Hell, I could just find all new ones of them, right? Wrong. Replacements might make the short term work, but, in the end I would just be haunted by the past, falling deeper into the past, most likely to never return. I have no misconceptions of how long it will take. It will take as long as it takes. I will do my best to put fourth one hundred percent of the real me to see it through. If I do walk away, it will only be for a short respite. At times we all need to step back and see the picture for how big it really is. One Day. Today. Love, Joel
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 06:56:13 +0000
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