Day 9: Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; Where there is sadness, joy. O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek To be consoled as to console. This is my favorite part of the prayer. The first half of the prayer is Francis telling us what qualities of character we need to foster. This latter part informs us of what right actions we need to take to come back to the Awareness of God. Its completely natural in life for us to want to be consoled during times of grief and pain. Its natural to want someone to lean on. We all need that from time to time. ..But sometimes consoling others can be a medicine for us to move from a place of despair and grief, to a place of hope and love. Years ago I had a friend named Kim that I loved and adored. She was a strong woman, very outspoken, and loving, but she always had a knack for telling the truth even if its something you didnt want to hear. She dedicated her life to helping other women in need to rebuild their lives. Wherever Kim went youd see packs of younger ladies that she took under her wing and loved. Her house was always full of people that were outcasts to society, and I fit in perfectly. She used to make me angry because she could pinpoint my B.S. from a mile away and she was very vocal when calling me on it. I was young and cocky when I knew her, and she loved me and really enjoyed breaking my ego. In some ways I think it was fun for her. But she loved me. And i knew that without a doubt. One day we got the news that she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It devastated our group of friends back then. Not only our lives , but the lives of her children, and the lives of women who werent in her life at that time but were impacted by her service in years past. The doctor gave her months to live and none of us at the time knew how to handle or accept this news. We were asked by Kim & her family to be there for her during this time so that she could stay at home and not have to go to a hospital. Most of us agreed without hesitation to taking turns every night of the week to assist in her care. I agreed to Tuesdays. It wasnt an issue for me because she lived blocks from where I worked. Id go there after work and spend the night. Her daughters taught me how to give her the medication she needed and Kim trusted me enough to help her with her other needs. Even though I was hurting emotionally and full of of fear about the outcome of her illness, I knew from watching her and being next to her during this time that this needed to be about her pain, her fear, her strength, and her daughters and son. I had known them for a few years since they were teenagers and I loved them like my family. To me they were family & I needed to be there for them. Kim and I would stay up talking in the beginning about life. I would sit on the porch with her and listen to her talk about her fears and dreams. She was afraid to die on one hand because of her children. Where would they be without her? What would they do without her? Where would they turn when she wasnt there? On another hand she knew that she lived a good life and she touched lives and she knew she did her best. I wouldnt say much. I knew to listen and console her. It wasnt my place to talk much. There were times that I said things , but they were things I said in order to let her know that I loved her and how much she meant to me. The friend that watched me struggle and loved me thorough those struggles needed me to just be there and commit to being there no matter how hard it got. There was a grace about her during this time. A grace that I cant explain. But if I had made her sickness about me I probably wouldnt have ever experienced it. When Kim passed away I didnt know it at the time but I know it now that I was living in this part of the prayer. When I got the news that she was sick I felt sad, confused, and afraid. I felt like I needed to be consoled. But what I learned from kim and others during this period of my life was that in most cases the right thing and the loving thing to do is to not make everything about me and to turn my thoughts to consoling others. That life and everything that happened wasnt always about Brandon and if I was going to be a good father, friend, boyfriend or whatever, then I needed to grasp that idea. This was a time that I needed to console a friend. It wasnt a time for selfishness and self pity. Little did I know that she and the others had prepared me spiritually for the good times and the bad times that life would throw my way. Im not saying that I wasnt allowed to grieve, cry or be afraid of the unknown. Those things were going to happen no matter what. But to allow the grief to paralyze me and cripple an opportunity to be a friend was not the answer. Its Ok to grieve, its OK to hurt and be afraid of the unknown, but imagine how her children felt. Imagine how she felt. They needed to be consoled. I believe the group of us that took care of Kim during this time allowed her children to go through the pain of losing their mother without the worry of her not being taken care of. They trusted us to console her as well as to console them when needed. Its In consoling that we are freed from our own selfishness and allow ourselves the chance to heal and help start the healing process for others that are hurting as well. Ill never ever stop loving or remembering Kim and Im grateful that I had the opportunity to have her as a teacher back then. Today: I will seek to console others in their time of need. I will understand and take actions based on love and compassion for the people that cross my path today.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 15:25:43 +0000
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