Day 91 of the Sereno Vagrancy Experiment. Let’s recap. Three months ago, fed up with urban living, I moved to the beach. After a fleeting love affair with a dolphin and another with a German tourist I saved from drowning - and whose family would later rob me in the middle of the night - I purchased a new tent and traveled deep into the Sequoia National Forest for a redo on my fresh start. Upon arrival I met a smoking-hot fire safety instructor named Syrah, who has kept my wilderness squatting a secret from the other park employees. Syrah and I have been on many adventures, but our first was toilet-papering the estate of Trevor Vanderlue, a millionaire developer bidding to purchase a portion of the park for his new casino. (To be fair, I’ve seen the renders online and the casino looks incredible.) On our second toilet-papering mission, Vanderlue - who listens exclusively to DMX (his sound system is pretty great too) - shot at us while barking into the night sky. One of his errant bullets hit a buried drum, which leaked a magnificent liquid; It was a million colors at once - none of which we’d ever seen. If not for the bullets whizzing overhead, we would have definitely investigated it further. Since then Vanderlue won his bid, Syrah was arrested for sabotaging his bulldozers, I was caught trying to free her from jail, we both successfully escaped that same week and now find ourselves on the run in the deep Sequoia Forest. We’ve also discovered an indigenous tribe, whose crimson skin and riveting tribal ceremonies have made me rethink my own place in this world. … And then there is the bear. If there were time to rewrite this recap, I might open with the bear and our struggles as man and beast. From dawn ‘til dusk, I cursed that bear and his penchant for destroying my campsite, but my hatred was unjust. After nearly three months, it was Vanderlue - not the bear – who revealed himself as the saboteur! So I owe the bear an apology. Syrah says she can hear the Ruff Ryder’s Anthem in the distance. Time to go.
Posted on: Mon, 26 Aug 2013 20:09:09 +0000
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