Days like today I struggle. Logan had an appointment at the doctor, so I left work early to take him. Instead of being ready to go, he refused. He just didnt want to go and there is no way to physically make him. I dive right into my bag of tricks as I watched the minutes tick by. First I tried humor, then as I got a little more desperate, a bribe. Finally I threatened him with all the things I would be taking away from him. None of it mattered. We missed the appointment. Now, I get this when he does these things. He wants independence and to be in control of his life. I dont blame him. Whats so hard for me in these moments is the realization that most of his friends are working or gone off to college. They drive, have girlfriends/boyfriends. Theyre making plans. We are focused on getting through a daily routine and keeping him on track. Some days my heart aches knowing what hes missing out on. I have nights I cant sleep. Times when my stomach is so screwed up I feel like Im dying. My head pounds as I dare think of whats to come, realizing its all unchartered territory and we are blazing our own trail. Some days I feel as though Im peering down the path ahead of us through a piece of fogged up glass. I cant see anything clearly. It takes everything I have in me. I mean EVERYTHING to pull myself back together and see through the fog. To see who he is. To see how far hes come. I shake off the tears and realize he is exactly who hes supposed to be, and he has helped me become exactly who I am supposed to be. I do know how lucky I am.
Posted on: Thu, 08 Jan 2015 19:52:30 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015